The Pointed Ankle & Foot

We are doing a lot more work on releve than I am used to, and watching my foot in the mirror or just by looking at it, and comparing it to those who can point better than I, has had me wondering about something. I know "doming" is important to pointe work, but how much? How much of the pointed foot stems from the ankle joints versus the rest of the foot and it's intrinsic muscles? (In other words, do I need to stretch the ankle more than I have been?)

Fear not, we have the world wide web to answer this for us!

This image and the following info was taken from this link. Good read!

The perpendicular line shows where the foot would be if it were flat. Coming counterclockwise, that next line, the dashed one, shows how much of the point is coming from the ankle joint alone. Which means that from the dashed line to the dotted line (all approximate) is how much of the total angle that comes from the foot muscles alone! Those arrows show the joints from which the rest of the pointing occurs.

And an interesting factoid from that article: see the three top bones in the photo? One is the shin (tibia), one is the top of the foot bone (talus), and the other the heel (calcaneus). When a ballerina's foot is fully pointed, those three muscles essentially "lock" together, forming a stable platform! I think that is SO cool- like the body (or some bodies) wants to dance like this!

Eric Conrad

I don't know how I'm only just now coming across this, with all the YouTube ballet watching I do*, but wow! I'm actually in the middle of knitting (a cowl for Dexter), but I had to hop on here and make a quick post, for I am watching Eric Conrad's YouTube video, Ballet Conrad #52: Port de Bras Back. Casually watching the beginning, I felt kind of bad for the female in the video, LOL. He was allowing for NO mistakes- tough, but definitely something I can respect.

I fast-forwarded to around the 12:00 mark, where he has the same female doing a port de bras back. He reminds her to come from the upper ribs, not the lower back. I was sitting in bed and decided to give it a shot- and my whole upper back popped like it never has before! It felt great.

Obviously, popping one's back is not a goal of anything, but so far, I LIKE his take on things. I'm only a few minutes in, and I have heard that he totally believes (from my understanding) everything from turnout to arabesques to splits and so on has little to do with flexibility, but with strength. I like that a lot.

If you do a search for "Ballet Conrad", some other interesting titles come up: The Frog is the Antithesis of Turnout, Very Detailed Placement Demonstration: Tendu, Vaganova Academy's New Turn-Out Method, and 20th Century Stars Wouldn't Be Accepted by Today's Vaganova Academy.

I think I've got some interesting videos to watch and listen to! Hope you get something useful from them! Now back to my knitting/watching YouTube!

Edit: I've glanced at a few links with Conrad's name in it, and it seems his teachings may be a bit controversial. I like reading such things, but I make sure to not get totally caught up in the hype, and to take a modest approach to learning.

Easy Flexibility

I’ve probably posted about this in the past, but I am still intrigued by the Easy Flexibility program. Even trying out a few of the exercises I can glean from the trailers feel really good, effective, and are different from anything else I’ve seen anywhere. What the instructor says about pliability vs. flexibility makes sense, too. (AND there is a course on relieving anterior pelvic tilt.)

One thing I’ve noticed when trying splits: they scare me and I am afraid of them. I’ve never been able to do them, and my body and mind actually fear getting too close to the ground. I forget the term for it, but it’s some sort of reflex. When I am in a splits position, the muscles I want most to be flexible are the very ones contracting and restricting me from doing it. I don’t know if that’s the totality of it, but I do know that sometimes my mind is able to just let go of a little bit of fear, and incredibly, I am immediately able to go deeper into my split.

I’m not saying my body absolutely can do any sort of split- I don’t know. I hope so. I’ve gotten kinda close. But I am saying that the more I am able to relax, the stretchier I become. Props help with this, too. If I can lower myself to a yoga block and make absolutely sure it’s steady, that frees up some upper body strength, allowing me to focus a little more.

I hope my last post didn’t come across as whiny or as my trying to be a know-it-all. I absolutely know that I can’t tell anything at all about a person and their ballet experience, including amount and time of training, based on a photo or even ten. It’s more about finding it within my own self to stop comparing myself to others, stop comparing my practice to others, and to focus on and ENJOY what I DO, what I have learned, and all the fun stuff I have to look forward to. No one is making me dance. I do it solely because I want to. Comparing myself to others takes the fun out of it.

Training Plan, Post I

I've been thinking of coming up with a training plan for the gym/ballet once I start classes at the beginning of the year. Coincidentally, while searching for something else, I came across this article, "How to Design a Training Plan" (for ballet). (That link is pretty much the sole reason for this post, but enter: some personal thoughts on what I need to work on.)

Edit: Toe strengthening exercise here

Since moving back to my hometown, I've been doing GREAT with going to the gym. I've never been able to be as consistent as I have been, and I'm extremely pleased and proud of myself. I have been focusing more on strength at the gym, and that's definitely good- but this article serves as a good reminder that I really need to focus on stretching, too! I've been doing a little, but not nearly as much as I should be doing.

Another note to self: I need to wake up earlier so I can do as I was previously at the gym- doing a full workout before even starting on ballet... and then doing a full 45-60 minutes of ballet. Lately (thanks to the colder weather, much shorter days, and ergo: depression), I've been getting up later, and haven't had the time to do both, so I've pretty much only done ballet, with like 10-15 minutes of cardio (ugh). This needs to change.

Speaking of cardio, I'm already dreading ballet class jumps. I really need to work on my endurance- I recall from class that my jumps have never been high enough, and I feel like an elephant trying to get my feet off the ground. My body just feels so heavy when it comes to jumping (and I'm not talking jetes or anything fancy), and the fact that it's so cardio does not help. But: I WILL IMPROVE.

My Ballet Life Update: Back to Class Soon!

So I've taken quite a break from ballet, which has been very discouraging for me. I've had a lot going on- most notably the continuing lack of energy I mentioned before. My doctor has me trying a new medication to help me stay awake; I'm still figuring out the best way to take the dosage I was given over the day (as a full dose once a day was too much for me, and anything else wears off quickly- but some combo of smaller doses throughout the day seems to be going well).

Unfortunately, I eventually gave up my exercising/ballet movements, simply because there wasn't enough time for me to do that with all the sleeping combined with a couple of other things I've been doing a bit obsessively in the little time I'm awake (reading YA dystopian fiction and sewing!). I believe I've also mentioned before that I have a tendency to be really motivated about an activity, only to lose motivation and interest for awhile (though my interest usually picks back up at some point- almost like I tend to cycle through my interests!). I decided to go ahead and do some other things, and maybe by the time the fall season was about to start, I'd be ready again.

I was right! I'm getting more and more into my ballet-obsession mode. I've been finding myself very discouraged about this... well, not that I'm getting into it again, but that I was doing so well and making a lot of progress (muscle tone and strength, balance, improving on my technique, flexibility), only to stop for so long, losing a lot of what I'd accomplished. (Did I mention how awesome my legs were looking, too?) But, I'm not going to let that bring me down anymore. I just came across a great positive affirmation for me at this small setback in my life:

DEAR SELF, 

THERE IS PLENTY OF TIME. 

LOVE, ME

Yes, I've lost the bit of flexibility that I'd gained from months of ballet and stretching. BUT that injury I incurred on myself awhile back has finally just about healed! (This was the first injury I've had in life that has shown me that I'm now at that age where my body simply doesn't heal as fast as it once did. Lesson learned: I'll be proceeding slower and with more caution now!) I just checked on it a week or so ago and still felt a bit of pain. Today's the first time I've been able to do even a minor stretch without it hurting, and that's awesome! I should be able to start a mild stretching routine on that leg; I'll give it a couple more weeks though to make sure.

Yes, I've lost much of the muscle tone I gained, especially in my legs. However, I still naturally have not-too-much fat on my body, and I DO still have some of the muscle tone and strength, so it shouldn't take quite as long to start seeing results again. That was the first time I've ever had my body so toned, and I love that I was actually able to do it, to get myself active enough to see results (when I've always had a tendency to some laziness and an aversion to most things considered "exercise"). I am going to get to this point again, yes, and I will also do it a bit differently this time. I really mostly focused on my lower body before. I've come to really understand how vital the core is to ballet, so the exercises I do at home will be more holistic this time around. 

So the big news in my life right now: I start ballet again next month- less than four weeks to go! I emailed my teacher to let her know I do want to start again this coming season and asked her what grade I should go to (i.e., did I graduate or not?). She told me I did indeed graduate and could come to the next grade's classes, a step up (where, hopefully, my little friends will be, too!). This time, however, I got approval to take both this new, more advanced grade AND the grade I was in. There are steps & movements I didn't get to learn from her the first time, and I found it difficult to pick up just by watching the others. I want to retake the grade so 1) I can learn from her some of what I didn't before, 2) I can keep working on my technique at a slower pace, 3) I'll build more muscle and flexibility with an extra class, and most importantly: 4) MORE BALLET. I'm so excited.

My classes start August 25. I plan to do much more blogging than these past few months once I'm back into it.

Some inspiration:

Still interested in ballet, still around!

So, I've had crazy stuff going on lately, and I've totally taken up sewing- which I am in love with, along with a bunch of other arts and crafts. Once I stopped going to ballet class, I kept up with working out (grande plies in both fifths work AMAZING for the upper legs!) for quite awhile- my legs are much more muscular than they've ever been.

Then depression started kicking in. Up until a few days ago, when I drastically lowered one of my medications, I was sleeping ALL the time. Go to work: sleep throughout the day. Go home: immediately crash and wake up the next morning to go back to work. The few days a week I was actually awake, I was working on my sewing- and still browsing Pinterest ballet pictures, wishing I had the energy to work on ballet some more.

I'm back on an upswing, it seems. Over the weekend, I added a couple of sets of plies and releves to my day. I've done a little bit more each day. Yesterday, I had something of a setback, that also has (hopefully) turned into something somewhat positive... Remember the injury I received from (idiotically) forcing my splits months ago? It was feeling a lot better, though not all the way. Last night I decided to try to stretch it some, and see how it went. I think I pushed just a bit too hard (and it wasn't all that much to begin with), so that it hurts this morning- not a good I've-stretched feeling but an "ow, this still isn't healed" feeling. It's been months! The fact that I'm getting older is starting to dawn on me more and more.

So what's positive about that? Well, I've been seeing some beautiful photos of ballerinas on pointe who DON'T have perfect splits or perfect turnout or this or that. And they're still beautiful. I wish I hadn't injured myself, but I did, and I have absolutely no choice but to let my body take as long as it needs to heal. So instead of being down on myself, I'm just going to go with the flow. The few movements I can't make with the injured leg aren't THAT big of a deal. (And frankly, it's not like I was going to get splits before the fall season!)

I can still work on splits with my other leg. And what's more, splits and that sort of stretching are pretty much the only thing I can't work on with that leg right now. On the positive side: I've been working on turnout quite a bit- sometimes even when I do absolutely nothing else. And my turnout seems to really be improving. I can FEEL the strength there deep inside my hips, and I can TELL that I'm rotating from there and not my knee. I'm getting more comfortable balancing in a larger turnout. And my injury isn't stopping me from working on that- which is probably much more important than splits anyway. (It's in a very close area, but the injury seems to be on the back side of that area, while working on my front side/rotator muscles doesn't touch it at all from what I can feel.)

So, I just wanted to check in, make a quick update. I've got lots to do the next few months. I'm still not sure what class I will get into next season. Either way is fine- I wouldn't mind being back in the same class so I can totally get down all of the things I was having trouble with because I never SAW it being taught. If I graduate and go into the next step up, that's great too- closer to pointe and I'll work extra hard to catch up on a few things, maybe take a couple of private lessons.

(Speaking of pointe- I've also totally still been working on my ankle, toe, and foot strength, and I'm seeing SUCH a difference, especially when I releve. The curve of my foot goes OVER my toes!)

Update: On Class Hiatus

So, I missed a Thursday class a few weeks ago- I was tired, or had plans, or something. The following week, my car nearly broke down and needed transmission work. Just breaking down a transmission itself is quite a time-consuming process... then they had to figure out what was wrong with it... order the parts... fix something else that my car had been recalled for that I'd forgotten about... fix the transmission... put it all back together. There was a big week-long event in town the first week, so car rental prices were absurd. By the second, I'd gotten used to just getting a ride to/from work and saved car rental money. But I had to miss two weeks of classes, on top of the Thursday I'd missed.

Had I gone back to class, they were just working on the demo I wouldn't get to be in, and I'd be quite behind on learning the moves. And after the demo, class is pretty much over. I've also found a new hobby I'm adoring, so I've decided to just go on hiatus until the next ballet season starts in the fall. That doesn't mean I'm not working at home; I'm just not going to class.

There's another reason as well. Remember the injury my silly self got by overdoing splits? I'm still injured. It doesn't hurt to move or anything, but the slightest stretching and I can totally feel it. I've decided I want that to heal totally before doing anything major with it. (I'm reading Dancing Through It by former NYCB principal dancer Jenifer Ringer, and one of her teachers told her, when she was injured, "The slower the recovery, the faster you recover", or something very similar. The book is fantastic, BTW. I just covered many pages while at the doctor's office today. I highly recommend it!)

And honestly, I haven't done a ton of ballet lately besides tendus, rond de jambes, other barre work- with a big exception: I've been going plie crazy! I noticed the slightest hint of extra muscle definition in my legs recently, and it has spurred me to do at least a little exercise every day. I like doing my plies in fifth, so I will usually do 15 on one leg here and then a little later do the other side, and keep doing that throughout the evening, or during the day if it's the weekend.

I also do a lot of leg lifts towards the back (ballet term not coming to me) to work on my butt, focusing on keeping my legs turned out. I do tendus and rond de jambes. I do a lot of ankle rolls and foot doming (many times throughout the day, every day) to work on my ankle strength. I do releves, including releves with either leg in passe (working on turnout!) I do this exercise every night on my problematic, non-turning-out, tibial torsioned leg. I do arabesques and other things. Occasionally, I do an online class. Non-ballet-style: all four on the floor, left leg up behind me then bring back down, also to work on my rear.

And I finally got nearly everything I need to make my rotation disks! I may have mentioned this before, but at my job, they install speakers. To install speakers in a box, they have to cut out circles. (The circles aren't perfect- it's difficult to cut a perfect circle with the tools they use... I mean it's perfectly circular but there's an extra cut in them that makes them kinda unsellable... maybe... hmmm....) They were going to throw away quite a few, so I grabbed them and came home and was able to nearly finish one. I can use it now, just the top is not attached. Getting the other screws and washers I need will be one of this weekend's projects!

One other thing: I realized last night that even though I don't really want to stretch my injured leg much at all, I can still stretch the rest of my body, even my other leg (duh!). So I am going to start stretching again, possibly yoga. (It's too bad I wasn't injured on my right leg. That one's naturally more flexible, and I could have worked on the left one catching up, but oh well!)

So that's where I'm at these days. Still loving ballet. Kinda regretting already not getting right back into class- I don't know where I will be placed when I go back (the girls should all be moving up a level), but either way is okay with me.

I might not be posting as often as I was, but I'm still "into" ballet and haven't lost my motivation as I'd feared I would. (Well, a touch, but not to where I am going to stop.) I'm still finding gorgeous photos online and will still be sharing those!

Random Notes

Here is a lengthy floor barre routine I found online. It looks pretty intense.

I just read that in arabesques, the shoulders are actually supposed to be squared (as opposed to moving the arms?):

She's not holding her left arm behind her; her shoulders are rotated and squared!

Also, for some reason my left hip area up through my torso is very tight. When I cross my right leg over my left, it feels fine but when it's my left leg over my right, it sends an ache from my hips up. I also feel this when working on splits.

Improvements and Disappointments

So, class was great last night! I left work early in a bad mood, and took a power nap before waking up in a bad mood to get dressed to head to ballet.

Once the music started and we began our ankle rolls, my foul mood and negative thoughts starting drifting on out the door. By the time we were doing degages, I was absorbed in ballet and ballet only.

I totally nailed it at the barre. I'm getting close to knowing the preparations I've been having trouble with. I kept my head pointed in the right direction. I worked on keeping my arm more in front of me. I ended each exercise cleanly, with my arms more raised than towards my legs, as they had been. I messed up on the counts when doing our adagio leg extensions, but my spotting was dead on and I was able to pick it back up within a beat or two since I've been practicing. I even kept my head in the right direction for most of our echappe sous-sus, including the faster ones. I did everything at the barre so well, I didn't get any pointers or feedback.

The center went pretty well. I'm still having trouble with a few things like, uh, this one movement I can't recall the name to, where I mix up which foot goes in front when we transfer. But my arabesques were much more arabesque-like. My port de bras are getting more graceful. I mostly kept up with the harder footwork we do. Class went quite great!

So what's the disappointment? My horrible turnout, especially in retire. I want it to look perfect.

I want to have pretty turnout.

I want clean lines.

But I'm so far behind, especially on my left leg with it's damn tibial torsion. (As an example: in rond de jambe, my left foot can be pointed almost perfectly outwards… but my knee is always pointed down.) It's so frustrating.

So I will be working on my turnout a whole lot more.

Splits Injury. Lesson Learned: Don't Overdo It.

So, remember when I posted about how I'd come very, very close to doing my splits? Well, it's been about five days, and I would like to note that I definitely injured myself! It's nothing major, and I am positive it came from that loud "pop" I heard (in the exact same spot, and my other leg is not injured). I was not able to even work on much flexibility with that leg tonight- I spent that time instead working on it with a tennis ball and my foam roller.

I didn't attempt anything close to a split on the other leg, but I wonder if I've gotten more flexible on it. I wish that pop hadn't happened- I knew then and there it was extremely likely I'd done something wrong.

So, lesson learned: don't try the crazy stunts I pull on here for yourself, for injury can definitely occur!

Update 3/27/15: I am STILL recovering from this.

Taking a mini-break from exercise...

I'm taking a mini-break from today's practice. It's gone well- I've kept myself motivated, which I have been having trouble with. I've had to remind myself that this is fun, not just exercise. (If I view anything as exercise, it becomes a drag and I hate it!)

I didn't do much of a warm-up, but Tamra's classes start slow. I did her Lesson 4: Barre, except a few things at the end, I believe she worked on grande battements, and I didn't do those. I don't think I've even done any of the online classes since starting actual classes (which reminds me- I need to cancel my DanceFlix subscription for now, since I haven't been doing those either). I definitely see improvements in what I can do now versus what I could do before starting live classes!

So I worked my way through those, then I started in on a couple of things I'm having trouble with in class: my arabesques, and ah, our grand battements(??), I think they are. (From fifth, passe to retire, then do a leg extension as high as you can, tendu, close.) With the arabesques, I've been having trouble getting my arms right for where my standing leg is. First arabesque has the arm on the standing leg's side extended, and third arabesque has both hands in the air, but the standing leg side is higher than the working leg. I've been switching those around. So I worked on that quite a bit, and I think I've got the hang of it.

I worked on that second exercise mostly for one reason: after we've done front, side, back, we go back to the side but instead of finishing the same way, our leg is raised (damn, I need to make these flashcards I found online), plie, sous-sus, spot, turn, plie, fifth, immediately repeat the regular exercise. I've been trying to just finish the exercise, forget we are supposed to plie, sous-sus and turn, so by the time I've gotten my body facing the other direction, I forget what the hell we are supposed to be doing, so I miss a few beats catching up, which often totally throws me off. But now: now I think I've got it. I practiced over and over, mostly the part right before and after the turn.

In summary: I've brushed up on my arabesques (and also practiced holding them) and worked on spotting while turning today.

Now to stretch. Let's see how that split's going...

Splits Progress!

Disclaimer: What I am about to discuss was probably a terrible idea to try. I'm sometimes my own guinea pig and risk injuring myself for various tricks and such. I do not recommend trying anything in this post. To do so could truly cause major injury!! 

Edit: I did, in fact, get injured! Nothing too horrible, but still a setback. See my post five days later here. 

Edit #2: Please don't do anything you see in this post. A month later, I'm still injured. Read about it here.

OMG, I can't believe I haven't ever posted photos of my splits here! Probably because they are so sucky, but still, that should have been good reason right there, so I can chart my progress. Anyway, let's just say that never in my life have I ever been able to do any sort of split. Not straddle, or either side. Let's say I've never been within a foot of the floor doing splits. Let's say that because it's all true.

That Tsatsulin book I've mentioned a few times... honestly, I haven't read more than what I'd read by the time I first posted about it (well, maybe a few more chapters later that day, but not really any since then). It's marked at page 43 of 157 now, so that's how far I've made it. And yet, those 43 pages have made a huge difference in the way I'm approaching stretching (which, yes, I did yesterday, along with some ballet).

One of the things Tsatsulin mentions is this: one leg can get into a certain position alone, and the other leg can get into another position alone, but yet, I am unable to do both of those things together. Why? There is nothing connecting the two legs together (I don't even know if this is true or not, but stick with me here). So it's a mental thing, a fear thing. My body is not accustomed to being in a split and so it snaps into fear mode when I try to put it in that sort of position, which only serves to tighten me up more.

There's a bunch more, you should at least read 43 pages.

So yesterday, I had on some meditation/yoga music and I was working on stretching. I got into a splits position. I was taking shallow breaths, and I got into this very Zen-like state. (I do not recommend doing what I am about to tell you about AT ALL, but especially if you have never done meditation or aren't very good at visualizing what's going on in your body!) I thought about how my front leg could get into the right position while alone... and it pretty much got there. I thought about the same with my back leg... and I was practically doing splits!

I'm totally not kidding about this. I have photographic proof:

(Pardon my mirror spots)

 Now, I know that is not a full split: my left leg (um, on the left- I'm in a mirror here... for some reason my left front split is better than my right) isn't totally touching the floor. And my right leg is bent behind me. I don't quite think my body is supposed to be turned in that direction; it should be facing the front. So it probably altogether looks a bit awkward. But I DON'T CARE because I'M DOING A SPLIT!

 

Yes, I was able to do it (awkwardly again) on the other side as well! 

I WOULD like to caution: besides the fact that this was probably a terrible idea and I don't recommend it at all, I also heard a very scary, very loud POP the second time I tried that first split. It came from within my hip area and scared the crap out of me. Also, I'm sore today. Quite sore. (And this is the second day after- today's Monday and this happened Saturday.)

Yet, I don't feel like I've done any damage. I'm definitely not doing anything much with it today besides walking, and didn't yesterday either. But honestly, this is about the sort of splits some of the young girls in my class can do- with the back leg bent some- and now I will (possibly) be able to do it too!

And my straddle split improved as well:

Not only have I never been able to get that far apart, I was even able to ease my elbows all the way to the ground (though it was difficult to totally rest that way).

I'm so excited. Thank you, Mr. Tsatsulin! Here is a (pdf) link to Relax into Stretch again.

(P.S. That's one of my new leotards from Discount Dance that I scored for under $15!)

Lacking Discipline

I knew this time would come; I've mentioned it here several times: the time when I find myself seriously lacking discipline. I wasn't sure exactly the form: I am, at least, taking ballet classes twice a week. And I do usually arrive an hour early to warmup. But my home practice, including stretching, has pretty much dropped down to nil.

I mentioned it to my boyfriend last night, that I just can't seem to find the motivation to practice at home. And he reminded me: I need to discipline myself. Yes, that's exactly what I need. Today is Saturday, and I have it all to myself (besides taking my pup to the park and for a walk around the park). And today, I am going to get in a good ballet session at home, including working on the things we do in class (including our new pas de bourre over and under) and getting in some stretching.

For now to finish my coffee and get motivated with some YouTube.

Back to class, breathing while stretching, "lengthening" muscles versus "relaxing" them

I made it to class yesterday- it felt soooo good to be exercising and stretching again. (I sat out the second half, due to the jumps.) Somehow, it seems a break did me some good- it feels like I'm slightly more flexible, but maybe I'm imagining it. But when doing center splits, I'm able to get my elbows down to the ground- though perhaps I'm simply not stretching as wide as normal.

(Although I did read somewhere [in a book preview on Amazon, I think, about ballet/dance anatomy] that ideally, a dancer or such will take two full weeks off each year of not exercising (or maybe only gentle exercising, and it does their bodies a whole lot of good!)(I'm not anywhere near a professional dancer, though, and haven't even been doing ballet for a year!)

So, we have a new adult in class! She's taller than me, 21 years old, and about as flexible as I am! So I feel a little less awkward in class now, but slightly more awkward having another adult who may be watching me. (I'm not sure what I will do when I go to adult-only classes if I move!) That's pretty exciting.

I told my instructor, when my left leg was in retire, but would not get that nice, even line like my right leg is capable of getting, that I wasn't able to get that leg out there. She assumed it was from my accident. I tried to clarify after class, but she didn't catch it, and isn't going to call me out on that leg anymore. I'm kinda relieved- I'm trying with that leg but it is simply not shaped to do what I'd like it to do.

How I want my retire to look!

 Before class when I was stretching, though, I did work on my left leg. I put it up in retire, eased up against a vertical barre... bar, and twisted a bit so the leg got closer to the correct position. I held it like that for a minute or so, and when I stepped away from the barre my line looked much better- but I wasn't able to access that again the next time I tried. So my left leg, it seems, will make a nice line in retire, but it is going to take a lot of stretching- and strengthening- to get it to hold that position. (All of this due to my tibial torsion.)

More leotards came in, including a different style of black that I will actually feel comfortable wearing in class! Still have those photos coming one day!

(I mean, LOOK at this! Amazing turnout, foot pointed so well, that leg high up in retire, clean line, just lovely!

I believe I linked to Tsatsulin's book recently, on stretching. He brings up a fantastic point: don't breathe deep breaths when doing deep stretches. When you do so, you're breathing tension into that muscle (especially if you're focusing on the muscle, visualizing it releasing, etc). Instead, it's better to take short, shallow breaths. I tried this yesterday, and it totally helped me.

A note on that: he also recommends not focusing on lengthening your muscles, tendons, fascia. Instead, you are releasing what it there. That totally makes intuitive sense to me. I've never worked on elongating muscles, even when I've read or heard the term "lengthen your muscles". I don't need them longer. I need them to loosen up- the looser they get, the deeper of a stretch and the more flexible I am.

Brutal class

Tonight's class was kinda brutal. Apparently, my teacher thinks I should be learning faster than I am... and she's probably right. I mentioned this past week that I'm just working on the basics at home- I don't even have all of those down yet! And now I'm getting fussed at for not knowing all of my arabesques, and for getting my feet mixed up in, eh, whatever those other moves are called. (Luckily, only the kids get picked on for terminology... right now.)

I was constantly being called out tonight- my head was facing the wrong way, my retire wasn't up high enough, my arms were too far to my sides, my (left) knee (with the tibial torsion) wasn't pointed out far enough... I wasn't sure if I should mention the tibial torsion or not, so I decided not to yet, because even if it won't turn out as far as we'd both like, I can make it go a little further and keep working on it, and I do need to keep attention on it because of the flaw.

I even got fussed at tonight for not being able to do splits! Some good came from this- she gave me a new way of working on my splits. I'd been keeping the back knee on the ground and the back foot facing down and she told me from now on to keep the knee up and the foot sideways- and it made a big difference, so I will be doing this from now on. Then she said something about getting my head down to the ground when we were doing our front splits facing away from her... I turned my head and raised an eyebrow at her. She said, "well, eventually..." LOL!

I'm bitching a little here, but honestly, I needed all of this to kick my ass up a notch. I was mentally, yet unconsciously, using the excuse "I'm new, so it's okay that I'm behind" to justify not learning faster. (And we got a new girl in tonight, so I'm not the new one anymore.)

After class, I got my little redheaded friend to help me on a couple of things. I've now got several new things (even just from figuring them out in tonight's class) I am confident I can practice at home. I'm exhausted, though. I want to get up and work on them all, but I'm so tired. I will at least work on my splits, though, and work on the other stuff tomorrow. There just isn't enough time in the week!!

One other thing: my toes are starting to hurt. And I'm starting to realize how faaarrrrrr I have to go before my ankles and feet will ever be ready for pointe work. My big toes hurt because it seems we're always dragging them on the ground. My ankles started hurting a bunch and getting weak when we were working on echappe sous-sus. (Yeah, I've nearly got that one down! At barre and in center!)We didn't even do that many... ballerinas are insane!!

Basic Stretches for Tight Hips

I just found some hip/turnout stretches I'll be incorporating into my stretch routine: "Basic Stretches for Tight Hips" (web page). I've seen pretty much all of these sometime in my life, but as a new dancer, some I haven't worked on yet. (I've also been paying lose attention to exactly what is tight when I'm trying to do my splits, and one of the kinda surprising areas I need to work on for splits are my quads. I especially feel the tightness in that area on the leg going towards the back- it's tight right there at the top of it...)

Anyway, here's one of the poses I've seen before and enjoyed and now will be doing more of, taken from that article.

Parent's Night, Remembering Class

So my last class proved to be quite different from normal classes. I somehow skipped the memo that it was parent's night. (I think it was actually on the paper that we were given something-something-parent's-something-parking-parent's, whatever, it didn't seem to pertain to me at the time.) I was settling in on the floor as the girls were positioning themselves, and I was starting in on my ankle rolls (god, those still hurt!) and the parent's were coming in and sitting in the chairs. "Is it parent's night?" I asked my little red-headed friend. She nodded her head. "Oh! I'm a little nervous now!" I told her, and she giggled at me.

So there we were, on the floor under the barre, doing our ankle rolls, myself towering above all the others (and I'm not in bad shape, but when surrounded by little nine-year-olds with pretty much no fat on their bodies, I look like a big, fat giant next to them!) One of the parents is staring at me, and I stare back at her, but it was an odd stare standoff because I knew she was staring and she knew I knew she was staring but she wasn't quite making eye contact with me, just staring at my face somewhere. While still staring at me, she asked the instructor something, who replied "oh, no, she's a student!" and then they kept talking, but too low for me to hear, and the lady kept staring at me! So that was a little awkward and I'd love to know what was said. At least one of the other parents looked impressed and said something about "exercise", but that was all I heard. All in all, I'm really glad there were no fathers there, because I would definitely have felt awkward.

I happened to have on my most modest leotard, thank goodness, and I'd also not forgotten to put on my silicone nipple covers (I just ordered more- those are sooooo handy! My first class got very weird when I noticed my nipples were shining through). I even had on a sports bra I usually don't wear, because the wide crossed straps in the back are obvious, but on this night I was glad for the extra modesty. (Don't get me wrong, I'm never ever dressed inappropriately- I won't even wear a camisole, remember? But a couple of leotards are a little lower in the front, which only proves a slight problem when we lay on the floor for our back exercises, and I have to be sure to pull the neck up a touch or the slightest cleavage will show.) I'd also happened to take a bit of extra anxiety medication, so it didn't go too bad.

I did get called out a little more than normal, but that was okay- I was doing things incorrectly. I kinda blew a few things in the center. When we do center, I usually have to follow the one girl who is very good, or another one of the girls if she isn't in front of me. The slower movements like our arabesques go fine enough, but with the faster-paced things (like pas de bourres), it can take me a few beats to figure out what we are doing. On this night, though, it took me more than  a few beats when I messed up, and I had more trouble than usual on center. But I didn't let it bring me down! I was glad when class was over, though, and made my way out quickly after curtseying to our wonderful instructor.

So today is Saturday and I am trying to go through in my head what we do in class and write it down so I can work on it. I know we do plie, tendu, degage... and then the order gets hazy for me. I do know we also do ronde de jamb and frappes... and then it gets very hazy. I'm thinking we do passé developpe but there is also something before that, two somethings I can't quite think of... Oh, awesome. I'd been looking at that linked video in a playlist and came across one of the movements: it's just a passé. So that comes before the passé developpe. Now for the other I can't remember. It's like the passé but our leg doesn't come up into retire. So I'm just missing one for barre (although I'm not sure the proper preparation for each of them), and our last one is, I believe, an echappe sous-sus? It's done facing the barre, 1) spring up from fifth to sous-sus 2) spring back down to fifth 3) echappe? (both feet go out away from each other) 4) spring back down to opposite fifth... spring up, don't change fifth, spring out, change fifth, etc.

Center, of course, gets more difficult, and it changes up. But I know we do: our arabesques, positions of the body on stage, the echappe sous-sus or whatever we do at the barre but in the center, and our port de bras, which I allllmost have down. I'm going to try those today because I like them and I really want to have them down without having to watch the other girl. (I'm sorry, friend! I know it must be awkward to constantly have a grown-up staring at you and trying to follow along, especially if you make a mistake that's highlighted because two of us are doing it!)

So yep, that's where I'm at today. Still not having time to practice every night, but I'm working on getting more and more stretching and/or exercises in during the week.

The Seven Deadly Sins of Ballet...

Here's a good reminder article for technique and foundation: "The Seven Deadly Sins".

I'm currently most guilty of rolling in, misaligning the spine, and using unnecessary tension. The article brings up a good point about the rolling in:

To get a 180-degree first position, dancers will sometimes let their arches roll forward. But turnout is not about forcing your feet open; it’s about opening up in the hips. “Turning out is an activity, not a position,” says Irene Dowd, who teaches anatomy at the Juilliard School. “If we stop sustaining that movement, our feet will passively roll in.”

This is a good point for me, because I do catch myself rolling in, and when I do, I always think it's because I'm trying to push past my limits of how far my turnout actually is. But this suggests that I'm not necessarily doing that; instead, I am failing to maintain the turnout that I am capable of through my hips (which can be caused by overdoing turnout- i.e., not being able to hold it suggesting I'm not yet strong enough for that much turnout, but not necessarily).

I'd like to state that it's definitely easier to recognize when I'm rolling in with my new MDM shoes, which I am still loving (and yes, are still pretty "new" because I only wear them at class. I can tell when I pull them out which goes on left or right foot since they have molded so well. I will get another pair after these, I believe, and use these at home once they have worn out some, but it looks like it may be awhile). (And maybe it's really because I'm just nervous in class or we are moving a bit too fast, but it seems like I have more trouble balancing in class than at home, and I'm kinda wondering if it's the split soles, as I do feel a small difference there when I try both at home.)

Anyway, so I'm continuing to love ballet, especially the freedom it gives me from anything else going on in my life. I'm really starting to pick up what is going on in class, and have started safely practicing a few movements at home without worrying I'm messing them up (except the preparation- there are two main ones we do, or none at all, and I tend to forget which goes with which). I'm beginning to stretch and workout more on my off days. Everything is going great!

Something is going on in my life- totally nowhere near a done deal yet- but I may find myself in a situation where I can basically take as much ballet as I want, and have plenty of downtime to practice as much as I want. I would have to move two hours away, but I've already checked, and there is a ballet studio that offers adult classes ranging from beginner to advanced/pointe. I really love my teacher, and I have grown comfortable working with the kids who kinda look up to me, so the thought of totally changing that is a bit scary (especially working with mostly adults now that I've gotten used to this). But the benefits to my ballet will be many, and I can also most likely take private lessons as well! I'd probably start with one thirty-minute class a week. So that's on my mind lately- but again, very tentative right now, and not likely to happen for at least a few months, if ever.

To get a 180-degree first position, dancers will sometimes let their arches roll forward. But turnout is not about forcing your feet open; it’s about opening up in the hips. “Turning out is an activity, not a position,” says Irene Dowd, who teaches anatomy at the Juilliard School. “If we stop sustaining that movement, our feet will passively roll in.” - See more at: http://www.dancemagazine.com/issues/January-2008/The-Seven-Deadly-Sins#sthash.lXIM2BQM.dpuf

To get a 180-degree first position, dancers will sometimes let their arches roll forward. But turnout is not about forcing your feet open; it’s about opening up in the hips. “Turning out is an activity, not a position,” says Irene Dowd, who teaches anatomy at the Juilliard School. “If we stop sustaining that movement, our feet will passively roll in.” - See more at: http://www.dancemagazine.com/issues/January-2008/The-Seven-Deadly-Sins#sthash.lXIM2BQM.dpuf

To get a 180-degree first position, dancers will sometimes let their arches roll forward. But turnout is not about forcing your feet open; it’s about opening up in the hips. “Turning out is an activity, not a position,” says Irene Dowd, who teaches anatomy at the Juilliard School. “If we stop sustaining that movement, our feet will passively roll in.” - See more at: http://www.dancemagazine.com/issues/January-2008/The-Seven-Deadly-Sins#sthash.lXIM2BQM.dpuf

Today: Stretching & Strengthening

I have done so little lately in terms of strengthening that I can totally tell. Grande plies are a bitch right now- I struggle with them again. I'm starting back with randomly doing pliés, relevés, and uh, I don't know if it's a ballet move but it's a développé derrière skipping the attitude positions- so like a back leg raise to target my glutes, basically. (I'm a bit afraid that doing as many of these as I like to do may actually hinder my développé derrières due to building so much muscle, and due to the fact that I actually do it a little outwards instead of straight back because it seems to work my glutes more, but the payoff is proving to be a much firmer ass, and so it's worth it to me to work on these. I do need to work more on keeping my extended leg straight, as that doesn't come naturally in that position.)

Basically, since I've started taking actual classes, my work outside of class has dwindled. I do try to arrive an hour early to stretch before class, and sometimes to have some of the girls help me out with some movements, and I also try to stay at least 20-30 minutes after class stretching some, but otherwise I haven't been doing as much as I was, and that needs to change.

I have stopped working the classes I was doing online. I really want to focus on strength and stretching right now- and working on learning the movements in class as quickly as I can, because those are what I want to be practicing at home. I almost have them down to where I will feel comfortable practicing at home, but I'm not quite there yet: I'm afraid of practicing and getting a movement down well, only to be in class and realize I've been doing it wrong. But I am picking things up pretty well, and that will soon be an option for me.

I'm focusing a lot on stretching right now, after doing the warmup I usually do (which I have mostly memorized, so it's also what I do when I first get to the studio and get changed from work clothes). I'm quit excited because even though two of my splits are still embarrassingly high, one of them, my left side split, is actually making noticeable progress! I'm not to the ground yet, and am still inches away from it, but less than a foot, I think, and that's a big difference for me!

So yep, back to it!

Oh, edit! I just wanted to say that when I first started, leg raises/releves were kinda difficult for me- I mean, well, they are hard.  When I first started, I would do about 12-15 one-legged relevés (usually with the other leg in sur le cou-de-pied or retiré) and 30 relevés in a set. Now I'm up to somewhere like 60-100 relevés and I've doubled my one-legged retirés, doing 25-30+ each set. (And I guess I've been doing enough lately, because even with some weakening, I am still able to do these with some ease.)

Recently...

Wow, it's been awhile since I've updated! I've been super-busy in my personal life (involving a whole lot of sleep, among other things- I believe it's the meds I'm on. I just can't get enough SLEEP!) I had to miss one of my ballet classes, along with about five days of practice/workout, because my stomach was very upset for awhile :(

I went to class, let's see, last Tuesday, and skipped Thursday. I went to both classes this week. I'm feeling a bit mushy because I just haven't worked out like I was, but it's okay because absence makes the heart grow fonder; I'm actually craving workouts and stretches, which is something I don't think I have ever done (except maybe once, a semester over a decade ago, where I took three glorious months of yoga classes). Tuesday I still wasn't feeling well, but went to class. Wednesday I started back up with some minor exercises (throwing in some plies and leg raises when I can). Thursday, yesterday, I started really feeling some improvements in class.

I've had a hell of a week or two. It's been quite stressful for me, and overwhelming. I usually try to keep my life very, very simple. I limit stress as much as possible. But one thing happened that was very stressful, and another thing has happened that is positive but still overwhelming, so it's a bit stressful too. So I've constantly had all of these things on my mind. And the ONE time I am able to totally clear my head, not think or feel anything, is when I am in class. (That's a big difference from working out at home while doing my own ballet-oriented workouts, because my mind was somewhat free to wander.) It's absolutely fantastic. After only a handful of classes, I crave going to class, being fully in my body instead of in my head (where I usually am) or heart (where I can sometimes be found). I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!

I'm starting to pick up what exactly we are doing. I still don't have everything down, but I am getting there. I am starting to be fussed at for my arms, because sometimes I am just so caught up in making sure my feet are doing the right thing that my arms are just doing whatever, occasionally moving to the right direction only to stay there while everyone else moves on.

So, I just wanted to make a quick update. I hope to be back on some sort of routine schedule soon, and be able to post more.