Random Notes

Here is a lengthy floor barre routine I found online. It looks pretty intense.

I just read that in arabesques, the shoulders are actually supposed to be squared (as opposed to moving the arms?):

She's not holding her left arm behind her; her shoulders are rotated and squared!

Also, for some reason my left hip area up through my torso is very tight. When I cross my right leg over my left, it feels fine but when it's my left leg over my right, it sends an ache from my hips up. I also feel this when working on splits.

Improvements and Disappointments

So, class was great last night! I left work early in a bad mood, and took a power nap before waking up in a bad mood to get dressed to head to ballet.

Once the music started and we began our ankle rolls, my foul mood and negative thoughts starting drifting on out the door. By the time we were doing degages, I was absorbed in ballet and ballet only.

I totally nailed it at the barre. I'm getting close to knowing the preparations I've been having trouble with. I kept my head pointed in the right direction. I worked on keeping my arm more in front of me. I ended each exercise cleanly, with my arms more raised than towards my legs, as they had been. I messed up on the counts when doing our adagio leg extensions, but my spotting was dead on and I was able to pick it back up within a beat or two since I've been practicing. I even kept my head in the right direction for most of our echappe sous-sus, including the faster ones. I did everything at the barre so well, I didn't get any pointers or feedback.

The center went pretty well. I'm still having trouble with a few things like, uh, this one movement I can't recall the name to, where I mix up which foot goes in front when we transfer. But my arabesques were much more arabesque-like. My port de bras are getting more graceful. I mostly kept up with the harder footwork we do. Class went quite great!

So what's the disappointment? My horrible turnout, especially in retire. I want it to look perfect.

I want to have pretty turnout.

I want clean lines.

But I'm so far behind, especially on my left leg with it's damn tibial torsion. (As an example: in rond de jambe, my left foot can be pointed almost perfectly outwards… but my knee is always pointed down.) It's so frustrating.

So I will be working on my turnout a whole lot more.

Class tonight- hopefully back on track now

I'm so excited to have class again tonight. I pretty much missed most of February's classes, between my car accident and getting sick with a cold. Hopefully all of the hindrances are behind me and I can continue on without missing any more classes for awhile! I feel like it's disrespectful to the teacher, plus I'm finding I learn moves best when I am there the first time she introduces a new movement; otherwise, I'm trying to learn what I can from watching the other students (who may get it mixed up) and it's taking me a LOT longer to learn what has already been taught than what I have been there to see the first time. I'll apologize, of course... and mention that I've injured myself trying to do my splits... yes, it's healing but I can't put a lot of pressure on it now- I'm such a goofball!

Over the weekend I was feeling better and (I may have mentioned this already) worked on my arabesques and spotting. I've also worked some on my port de bras- my arms have not been very pretty, and I feel more "dance-y" when I think they look nice. I developed one of several (so far) bad habits from teaching myself: my arms in second I tend to place too far to the side of me, my elbows possibly even a little behind me. So I've worked on that some lately, too- even just passing by the mirror now and then. I also watched a couple of YouTube videos on arms in ballet, and again, my second hasn't been very correct: I'm now working on keeping the elbow more rounded, with my palms facing inwards along the line of the rest of my arm.

I hope I don't mess up my arabesques today! We do them with the working foot en terre the first time, and then raise it and hold it for a couple of counts in third arabesque. I've been practicing maintaining my balance. I need to get back to work on my turnout muscles because I am unable to hold an arabesque in the air with a very turned-out foot.

A little inspiration for the day:

 

Taking a mini-break from exercise...

I'm taking a mini-break from today's practice. It's gone well- I've kept myself motivated, which I have been having trouble with. I've had to remind myself that this is fun, not just exercise. (If I view anything as exercise, it becomes a drag and I hate it!)

I didn't do much of a warm-up, but Tamra's classes start slow. I did her Lesson 4: Barre, except a few things at the end, I believe she worked on grande battements, and I didn't do those. I don't think I've even done any of the online classes since starting actual classes (which reminds me- I need to cancel my DanceFlix subscription for now, since I haven't been doing those either). I definitely see improvements in what I can do now versus what I could do before starting live classes!

So I worked my way through those, then I started in on a couple of things I'm having trouble with in class: my arabesques, and ah, our grand battements(??), I think they are. (From fifth, passe to retire, then do a leg extension as high as you can, tendu, close.) With the arabesques, I've been having trouble getting my arms right for where my standing leg is. First arabesque has the arm on the standing leg's side extended, and third arabesque has both hands in the air, but the standing leg side is higher than the working leg. I've been switching those around. So I worked on that quite a bit, and I think I've got the hang of it.

I worked on that second exercise mostly for one reason: after we've done front, side, back, we go back to the side but instead of finishing the same way, our leg is raised (damn, I need to make these flashcards I found online), plie, sous-sus, spot, turn, plie, fifth, immediately repeat the regular exercise. I've been trying to just finish the exercise, forget we are supposed to plie, sous-sus and turn, so by the time I've gotten my body facing the other direction, I forget what the hell we are supposed to be doing, so I miss a few beats catching up, which often totally throws me off. But now: now I think I've got it. I practiced over and over, mostly the part right before and after the turn.

In summary: I've brushed up on my arabesques (and also practiced holding them) and worked on spotting while turning today.

Now to stretch. Let's see how that split's going...

Inspirational Photos

I've noticed I'm starting to build more back muscles, and am able to go up pretty far. We do this exercise without another person, though, and our legs lift in the air as well. I think I will try it with someone else soon.

Amazing arabesque!

I love her arms, wrists, and hands here!

Brutal class

Tonight's class was kinda brutal. Apparently, my teacher thinks I should be learning faster than I am... and she's probably right. I mentioned this past week that I'm just working on the basics at home- I don't even have all of those down yet! And now I'm getting fussed at for not knowing all of my arabesques, and for getting my feet mixed up in, eh, whatever those other moves are called. (Luckily, only the kids get picked on for terminology... right now.)

I was constantly being called out tonight- my head was facing the wrong way, my retire wasn't up high enough, my arms were too far to my sides, my (left) knee (with the tibial torsion) wasn't pointed out far enough... I wasn't sure if I should mention the tibial torsion or not, so I decided not to yet, because even if it won't turn out as far as we'd both like, I can make it go a little further and keep working on it, and I do need to keep attention on it because of the flaw.

I even got fussed at tonight for not being able to do splits! Some good came from this- she gave me a new way of working on my splits. I'd been keeping the back knee on the ground and the back foot facing down and she told me from now on to keep the knee up and the foot sideways- and it made a big difference, so I will be doing this from now on. Then she said something about getting my head down to the ground when we were doing our front splits facing away from her... I turned my head and raised an eyebrow at her. She said, "well, eventually..." LOL!

I'm bitching a little here, but honestly, I needed all of this to kick my ass up a notch. I was mentally, yet unconsciously, using the excuse "I'm new, so it's okay that I'm behind" to justify not learning faster. (And we got a new girl in tonight, so I'm not the new one anymore.)

After class, I got my little redheaded friend to help me on a couple of things. I've now got several new things (even just from figuring them out in tonight's class) I am confident I can practice at home. I'm exhausted, though. I want to get up and work on them all, but I'm so tired. I will at least work on my splits, though, and work on the other stuff tomorrow. There just isn't enough time in the week!!

One other thing: my toes are starting to hurt. And I'm starting to realize how faaarrrrrr I have to go before my ankles and feet will ever be ready for pointe work. My big toes hurt because it seems we're always dragging them on the ground. My ankles started hurting a bunch and getting weak when we were working on echappe sous-sus. (Yeah, I've nearly got that one down! At barre and in center!)We didn't even do that many... ballerinas are insane!!

Parent's Night, Remembering Class

So my last class proved to be quite different from normal classes. I somehow skipped the memo that it was parent's night. (I think it was actually on the paper that we were given something-something-parent's-something-parking-parent's, whatever, it didn't seem to pertain to me at the time.) I was settling in on the floor as the girls were positioning themselves, and I was starting in on my ankle rolls (god, those still hurt!) and the parent's were coming in and sitting in the chairs. "Is it parent's night?" I asked my little red-headed friend. She nodded her head. "Oh! I'm a little nervous now!" I told her, and she giggled at me.

So there we were, on the floor under the barre, doing our ankle rolls, myself towering above all the others (and I'm not in bad shape, but when surrounded by little nine-year-olds with pretty much no fat on their bodies, I look like a big, fat giant next to them!) One of the parents is staring at me, and I stare back at her, but it was an odd stare standoff because I knew she was staring and she knew I knew she was staring but she wasn't quite making eye contact with me, just staring at my face somewhere. While still staring at me, she asked the instructor something, who replied "oh, no, she's a student!" and then they kept talking, but too low for me to hear, and the lady kept staring at me! So that was a little awkward and I'd love to know what was said. At least one of the other parents looked impressed and said something about "exercise", but that was all I heard. All in all, I'm really glad there were no fathers there, because I would definitely have felt awkward.

I happened to have on my most modest leotard, thank goodness, and I'd also not forgotten to put on my silicone nipple covers (I just ordered more- those are sooooo handy! My first class got very weird when I noticed my nipples were shining through). I even had on a sports bra I usually don't wear, because the wide crossed straps in the back are obvious, but on this night I was glad for the extra modesty. (Don't get me wrong, I'm never ever dressed inappropriately- I won't even wear a camisole, remember? But a couple of leotards are a little lower in the front, which only proves a slight problem when we lay on the floor for our back exercises, and I have to be sure to pull the neck up a touch or the slightest cleavage will show.) I'd also happened to take a bit of extra anxiety medication, so it didn't go too bad.

I did get called out a little more than normal, but that was okay- I was doing things incorrectly. I kinda blew a few things in the center. When we do center, I usually have to follow the one girl who is very good, or another one of the girls if she isn't in front of me. The slower movements like our arabesques go fine enough, but with the faster-paced things (like pas de bourres), it can take me a few beats to figure out what we are doing. On this night, though, it took me more than  a few beats when I messed up, and I had more trouble than usual on center. But I didn't let it bring me down! I was glad when class was over, though, and made my way out quickly after curtseying to our wonderful instructor.

So today is Saturday and I am trying to go through in my head what we do in class and write it down so I can work on it. I know we do plie, tendu, degage... and then the order gets hazy for me. I do know we also do ronde de jamb and frappes... and then it gets very hazy. I'm thinking we do passé developpe but there is also something before that, two somethings I can't quite think of... Oh, awesome. I'd been looking at that linked video in a playlist and came across one of the movements: it's just a passé. So that comes before the passé developpe. Now for the other I can't remember. It's like the passé but our leg doesn't come up into retire. So I'm just missing one for barre (although I'm not sure the proper preparation for each of them), and our last one is, I believe, an echappe sous-sus? It's done facing the barre, 1) spring up from fifth to sous-sus 2) spring back down to fifth 3) echappe? (both feet go out away from each other) 4) spring back down to opposite fifth... spring up, don't change fifth, spring out, change fifth, etc.

Center, of course, gets more difficult, and it changes up. But I know we do: our arabesques, positions of the body on stage, the echappe sous-sus or whatever we do at the barre but in the center, and our port de bras, which I allllmost have down. I'm going to try those today because I like them and I really want to have them down without having to watch the other girl. (I'm sorry, friend! I know it must be awkward to constantly have a grown-up staring at you and trying to follow along, especially if you make a mistake that's highlighted because two of us are doing it!)

So yep, that's where I'm at today. Still not having time to practice every night, but I'm working on getting more and more stretching and/or exercises in during the week.

My First Classes!

I know you, my dear (eventual, at least) reader, have been on the edge of your seat waiting to hear how my first classes have gone, the ones with the second year nine year olds. And I'm here to let you know...

I LOVE IT!!!

All of my fears went out the window just about as soon as we started the first class. First of all, my teacher (whom I'd met before) was very nice and put me at ease. I was feeling a little shy, but she told me to go ahead and take off my shirt to get to just my leotard/tights/slippers, and told me to get behind one girl who is very good, and in front of another girl (who was good as well, though not to the first's level).

Everyone (about six or eight children total, all girls except one boy, and I'm the oldest one by decades) was already on the floor starting their warmups. (I did a half-hearted warm up prior to class, but there were moms around and it was my first day there and I felt too nervous to do much the first day.) Almost immediately, I saw one thing I need to work on: ankle rolls! I've always done maybe 5-10 in then out at a time. Nope, not here. We start each class with 64 counts in and 64 counts out. OUCH! (Luckily, this is something I can work on while sitting in my chair at work.)

Our barre exercises were so much fun! From what I've gathered, the girls have been working on the same basics every class. They say a little chant of what each foot is doing as it moves (touch back, touch front, etc), and we've gone from tendus to plies to frappes to petite battements sur le-cou-de-pied to rond de jambes and a few others I'm forgetting. The exercises are quite a bit different from what I've been doing. I don't quite have them down yet, but it's definitely doable.

Note: What I just mentioned is THE best thing about my class. I can do the exercises, but I don't have them down yet- the order, the making it look pretty. So it's just right: difficult, but not overly so.

With the barre, I am having trouble with my arms and head. I only touched on that with my online classes and DVDs and am not used to doing it more frequently. I'm already getting the hang of some of the movements, but when we get to more complicated foot patterns, I focus on that and try to keep my arms in second or first (though sometimes they are all over the place).

After barre, we moved to the center: two rows, me behind the proficient girl. The center was more difficult for me, as I suspected it would be, but again, not overly so. Mostly, it's a matter of learning the order of each exercise, and then with the center, balance is another issue I'll be working on. The hardest thing for me as far as balance goes has been maintaining it while doing grand plies, especially fifth. Luckily, that's something I can work on at home. I also have trouble with my arabesques, but I'm quickly picking up the arm positions- I almost have the general placement down and then it will be time to fine-tune that.

Finally, we did some movements across the room diagonally, both ways. The first thing we did was a little three-step skip thing. The next one was way harder for me- I was totally lost. I told the little girl behind me to go ahead in front of me, so I could watch a little longer. (She is ADORABLE! Cute little girl with long, curly red hair! She's one of the staff's daughters.) She looked up at me with big eyes and whispered, "We have to go together." And so we did.

The only time I really felt out of place some (and honestly, this would have happened even if I was their age) was when everyone did splits. Only myself and one little girl cannot do at least one split- we hover a foot above what everyone else can do. I knew that would happen, and I knew I would compare myself, but I'm already working on that. (Okay, well, I feel a little out of place when I'm looking in the mirror, and towering over everyone. I think I've gained a little weight- it fluctuates- and I think I've gained a little extra muscle mass in my legs, so not only am I taller than everyone, my weight really stands out, too. Yes, I know I'm an adult, but... ok, I'm self-conscious about the way I look!)

Tonight's class was a lot easier in terms of my anxiety. I left work a little earlier than planned and ran home and changed. I arrived at the studio early, and spent time doing some decent stretching. I was just on the hall floor, and then the little redhead comes over to me and opens the door to another studio room and tells me that's where we usually go and warm up. So we went in there and I was warming up and the little girls were making their way in and warming up, playing on the barre, talking.

Tonight went pretty much the same (though we didn't have to do awkward grand plies, yay!). I did better at keeping up, though I still have a ways to go. I got a few corrections tonight, which did not happen in my first class. (I'm also trying to take in any corrections she gives others and apply them to myself, as long as I'm not totally wrapped up in just trying to get a movement down.) My little red-headed friend seemed happy that we partnered again (her mother told me she'd been all excited that we were partners the first class!). At the very end of the class, my teacher went over that last diagonal movement we do. It involves a plie, a tendu, two steps, a half-turn while switching to a third step with the other foot, a very small arabesque, two backwards steps, and a half-turn switching feet to land in a plie with tendu. (Whew!) Luckily, my little friend brought me into the extra studio room after class and she pretended she was the teacher. First, she showed me side by side how to do it. (And didn't complain when I asked her to do it several more times with me.) Then, she sat in the teacher's chair and played teacher. She helped me with it some more next to me, and another girl came in to work on it with us. I lingered a bit in the hallway as everyone was leaving, practicing this step so I could work on it this weekend, with four days in between classes. And I pretty much have it down! I'm SO glad my friend showed me. It's one of those things I am definitely going to have to do over and over to pick it up (and that's before actually making it look somewhat pretty), but I have the steps in my head in the right order, and that's half the battle.

So yes, totally psyched about ballet! I'm definitely not ready for the next level, and am definitely fine staying in this one until I'm ready to progress. I'm going to try not to rush my progress and rush getting into the next class, for I know that the longer you work on your basics, the better a foundation you'll have (especially once en pointe- provided I make it that far, which I do hope!)

My self-teaching has definitely helped me. One thing I've been doing incorrectly, though, has been my rond de jambes en dedans- my toe is supposed to come more in front of the toe of my standing leg, so I'll be relearning that some. I've also been using third instead of fifth, but we work from fifth even though none of us have 180* turnout.

So yep, that's how my first two classes have gone. I love going, I'm already getting more comfortable, I already have something new to work on (oh, plus some port de bras in the different stage positions, if I can remember... along with terminology- she quizzes the little girls on that a lot, and they stumble over it), and I'm definitely more motivated now to stretch!

Today's Ballet

Today's ballet went well (when I wasn't sneaking peaks at my eBay watch list to make sure Christmas gifts weren't being sold from under me!). Warmup, of course, then I picked up where I left off with Lesson 4 Barre. After that, I brought out Finis Jhung's easiest level center class. Popped it in the drive, check out the menu (that only says "Exercise 1" and so forth), go to the first exercise, and am immediately intimidated by what comes up:

Tendu, dégagé en en l'air, tombé en avant, arabesque balance

Say what? But of course Jhung breaks it down very easily, even reminding the viewer to take the first half beat to shift balance to the standing leg. I practiced that quite a few times- other than my boring one actual ballet class, and a little bit of pas de bourre with Tamra, I really haven't done a lot of movement across the floor. Most of what I've done has either been barre, or basically changing positions more or less in one spot. I'm glad that was my basis to work from, though, because I was definitely more stable on one leg, better able to balance on my working leg than I could have a few weeks ago.

The second one was more difficult for me to grasp- the arm movements were quite different than anything I've ever done with my arms, and I had trouble remembering which foot to start with if I wanted to go a particular direction (the movements were de côté, or "to the side"). I did that one quite a few times as well, but I think I ended up working my right side more than my left one. 

I can feel myself starting to just watch the movements being done by others and following along instead of actually learning it. For some reason I've always struggled a little with this. I think it's possible I need a little extra time than a lot of people learning motions with my body, because I remember being like this as a child, too. It always took me a little longer to pick something up, like a dance routine. I'm much more of a potential thinker than a kinetic doer, lol- basically, I over-think things, trying to form some sort of sense of something rather than just doing it and picking up the nuances over time and with repetition. Since others move faster than me, I guess I've made it a habit to just follow along with what they are doing instead of being able to really grasp what I'm doing. It's really a very different way of learning than what I'm used to, so of course I'm struggling some. (Not sure if all of that made sense...)

But anyway, even though the center work is challenging for me, I'm really enjoying it so far. (I enjoy challenging myself, especially my way of thinking!) It's now been about seven and a half weeks(!!) since I started teaching myself ballet, and I'm now starting to be able to see the foundation that I've been laying down the past almost-two months. There are still soooooo many details to learn, but I'm beginning to see a more holistic picture of ballet than just seeing steps I have to learn. The pieces are fitting together more now. It's really cool, and I'm really proud of myself, especially for sticking with it even through the lack of motivation I had just recently! (I normally would have stopped learning something at that point.)

My flexibility is improving, too, I'd like to add. I'm getting way more in touch with my body. I do a lot of normal stretching movements, but I also mix in different things, just going with the flow. If I'm leaning my chest down towards my knee, for instance, and I feel a tug in my back, I'll listen closely to my body and move in a way that gently stretches out that tug. Today, for instance, I was stretching my hamstrings and I felt a tight spot, so I got out one of my little hard bouncy balls, placed it under my leg, and moved it around until I found just the right spot. I gently pressed down into it... feeling it give a little... a little more... and then a release, a definite letting go that totally clears my mind for a few seconds and "wows!" me. Those moments are difficult to find, but when I do, it's just such a great feeling... tension that's built up in my body for years and years suddenly let go, vanished, vamoose!

Today I'm Grateful for Ballet

Hopefully, my Thanksgiving goes a little better later on. I'm currently spending it alone with no plans besides eating pumpkin (not apple :P) pie. My mom is at work. My daughter is at work. My friend I'd kinda assumed I'd be spending it with is out-of-town with another friend... so it's just me, and ballet, for right now.

I'm getting a better understanding and control over my petite battements sur le coup-de-pied (or vice versa, whatever). I think a big part of this has to do with the fact that my arches are definitely getting stronger, and it shows with my wrapped foot. When they were weaker, there wasn't as much definition in the arch, so it looked more like just bringing my foot back and forth. With more definition, there's more of a specificity of placement of my foot, if that makes sense. I'm also learning the placement of my foot on the outer side- more control over that so they are getting more precise. (I'm still doing them slowly at the moment. Once I have even better control, I will learn to do them faster!)

I'm certainly enjoying these more- I really didn't like them at the start. I credit my stronger arches to all the doming I do at work- in sneakers. The top of my sneakers gives me something to push against, making me gain strength faster than just doming barefoot. 

Another thing I've noticed recently- I think I touched on this some- is that I'm more aware of my body as I'm moving. Since I'm getting the movements down, I am more able to focus on what the rest of my body is doing. I'm learning to pull up on the standing leg's hip more instead of sinking down into it. It's not a constant awareness yet, but I'm getting there.

I'm more aware of using those turnout muscles instead of forcing it so much. I'm still working in third instead of fifth, and I'm less concerned with being so turned out, working within my body's current limits instead. Trying to force turnout- unsuccessfully- was one of the ways I was bringing myself down, demotivating myself. Doing Lisa Howell's turnout exercise is really helping me learn how to maintain turnout. (I know how to turnout properly- it's the constant doing of this that's so troublesome!)

I'm learning to be aware of the changing of my line of balance (looking for a term...) when moving into fourth, third, first, from another position, when switching from one type of arabesque to another.  I'm more aware of my alignment in general on my standing leg when my other leg is working... and because of this... I am able to BALANCE a whole lot better!