Skipping (part of) a grade...

I AM SO STOKED! Here's what happened recently:

I've been going to class pretty consistently, and was really liking the second level I've been in. I pretty much knew what was going on and was able to really focus on technique, as it's the class that I originally took before (starting, again, in the middle of the year). The class was super full, though. I never went on an evening when everyone was there, but if I had, I would not have been able to drop-in.

So, the administration lady speaks to me about moving to the next level. Honestly, I felt a bit pressured to do so. I chose to take the level I was taking for a reason. I couldn't commit to the next level at the beginning of the year, and I felt starting halfway through, I'd just be totally lost. But she was really encouraging me to, as the level I'm in has far fewer students.

I just couldn't do it Tuesday. It took hours for me to get up the nerve to get dressed and go to school. Even with my anxiety, I was extremely tense and nervous. I did NOT want to be way behind everyone else. So I speak with the instructor, and she doesn't mind if I take the class, but she reiterates that she is not going to hold up the class just for me. Sure, I totally understand that, but the second time she said it, I felt a little challenged... which was good.

I went in there and nailed it! Okay, my form wasn't anywhere near good, and my pas de bourres, echappes, and assembles were a mess. I had no clue what they were doing with the pirouette business... I was taught how to (technically, if not in reality) do one in a class in a different school, but that was the whole deal. This method breaks things down into quarter turns- which makes sense, but wasn't what I expected.

Oh, and to top it off! Before class started, and I'd made it inside the studio with the other students, I confessed I was terrified and they were all going to be so far ahead of me. Keep in mind these kids are about ten years old. They were so sweet! They encouraged me to follow them, helped me out with one of the across-the-floor moves we were doing, and everyone told me afterwards what a great job I had done!

The best part of this, though, is that I totally faced my fear and conquered it. I did so much better than I expected. In the other class, and I realized this, I wasn't really pushing myself. I'd done it before. But with this one, I'm really going to need to work hard to catch up. It's not going to take long to finish memorizing the barre work, since most of it is what we'd ended with before. But the center "jumps"- the ones I've been procrastinating on- I'm going to really need to start tackling those in my gym/barre-room time.

Speaking of the gym, I'm very happy and proud to say I've started going back this week! Arms one day, legs another- the latter followed by some ballet, until my legs just gave out on me.

Things are going pretty sweet here on my end! I really needed to take this class, to inspire me to push myself. If I'm not challenged, I usually can't put my heart & soul into it.

One last thing that, of course, I have to mention. Moving up a grade puts me one year closer to earning my pointe shoes! I'm having trouble understanding the levels listed on the website, but I think I will start one year from this Fall. OMGOMGOMG!

Saved by

Juanita De Los Santos

 Via Pinterest

Photos for more inspiration!

Southeastern Regional Ballet Association - Photo by Richard Calmes http://www.pbase.com/rcalmes. Via Pinterest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Elevé Dancewear (@elevedancewear) on Instagram: “Looking forward to this week • Photo by @darianvolkova Model @ionovaworld Via Pinterest.

<< "La danse n'a plus rien à raconter : elle a beaucoup à dire" ... © Maurice Béjart>> Via Pinterest.

And because you know I'm obsessed with ballet feet...

Saved by

Bruna Santana Via Pinterest

Eric Conrad

I don't know how I'm only just now coming across this, with all the YouTube ballet watching I do*, but wow! I'm actually in the middle of knitting (a cowl for Dexter), but I had to hop on here and make a quick post, for I am watching Eric Conrad's YouTube video, Ballet Conrad #52: Port de Bras Back. Casually watching the beginning, I felt kind of bad for the female in the video, LOL. He was allowing for NO mistakes- tough, but definitely something I can respect.

I fast-forwarded to around the 12:00 mark, where he has the same female doing a port de bras back. He reminds her to come from the upper ribs, not the lower back. I was sitting in bed and decided to give it a shot- and my whole upper back popped like it never has before! It felt great.

Obviously, popping one's back is not a goal of anything, but so far, I LIKE his take on things. I'm only a few minutes in, and I have heard that he totally believes (from my understanding) everything from turnout to arabesques to splits and so on has little to do with flexibility, but with strength. I like that a lot.

If you do a search for "Ballet Conrad", some other interesting titles come up: The Frog is the Antithesis of Turnout, Very Detailed Placement Demonstration: Tendu, Vaganova Academy's New Turn-Out Method, and 20th Century Stars Wouldn't Be Accepted by Today's Vaganova Academy.

I think I've got some interesting videos to watch and listen to! Hope you get something useful from them! Now back to my knitting/watching YouTube!

Edit: I've glanced at a few links with Conrad's name in it, and it seems his teachings may be a bit controversial. I like reading such things, but I make sure to not get totally caught up in the hype, and to take a modest approach to learning.

Easy Flexibility

I’ve probably posted about this in the past, but I am still intrigued by the Easy Flexibility program. Even trying out a few of the exercises I can glean from the trailers feel really good, effective, and are different from anything else I’ve seen anywhere. What the instructor says about pliability vs. flexibility makes sense, too. (AND there is a course on relieving anterior pelvic tilt.)

One thing I’ve noticed when trying splits: they scare me and I am afraid of them. I’ve never been able to do them, and my body and mind actually fear getting too close to the ground. I forget the term for it, but it’s some sort of reflex. When I am in a splits position, the muscles I want most to be flexible are the very ones contracting and restricting me from doing it. I don’t know if that’s the totality of it, but I do know that sometimes my mind is able to just let go of a little bit of fear, and incredibly, I am immediately able to go deeper into my split.

I’m not saying my body absolutely can do any sort of split- I don’t know. I hope so. I’ve gotten kinda close. But I am saying that the more I am able to relax, the stretchier I become. Props help with this, too. If I can lower myself to a yoga block and make absolutely sure it’s steady, that frees up some upper body strength, allowing me to focus a little more.

I hope my last post didn’t come across as whiny or as my trying to be a know-it-all. I absolutely know that I can’t tell anything at all about a person and their ballet experience, including amount and time of training, based on a photo or even ten. It’s more about finding it within my own self to stop comparing myself to others, stop comparing my practice to others, and to focus on and ENJOY what I DO, what I have learned, and all the fun stuff I have to look forward to. No one is making me dance. I do it solely because I want to. Comparing myself to others takes the fun out of it.

Slow vs. Fast Progress

I see these other adult ballet dancers online... some of them haven’t been taking ballet a full year, and already they are on pointe. I have mixed feelings about this- and yes, part of it is a little bit of envy! 

In my school, I’m one of the only, if not THE only, adult students (besides, of course, the 18-year olds who have been practicing for years). My school goes by grades. I’m currently in the 2nd grade (although I could have started the fall in 3rd, but I couldn’t commit twice a week right then). There’s grade 3, then an advanced grade 3, and then pointe begins sometime in grade 4. I don’t even know what the advanced grade 3 means, but I’m thinking it’s an extra year before 4. From my understanding then, I have 2 more (full) years before I can go on pointe. (And I’ve been at this ballet thing for a few years already, just not consecutively or regularly, so I can’t count it much.)

So that’s the frustrating part: I want to EARN those Capezio Contemporas I managed to get myself fitted for back when I first became obsessed with ballet! (LOL! Please don’t tell my teacher!) I want them NOW!

On the other hand, I’ve now taken classes at three other studios, and I love mine the best. I love the strict focus on doing the same barre every class, and somewhat the same center work. I love that once I can get the hang of the barre exercises again, I can let myself start moving freely into the movements, letting it flow instead of always trying (so far quite unsuccessfully) to just remember what the heck my feet and legs are supposed to be doing next- not to mention my arms that would inevitably get stuck in first or second so I could just try to get through this set of exercises. I love that I have so much time to learn technique, to practice a few moves over and over and over, almost meditatively, instead of the constant confusion of thinking about the future, what comes next, allowing myself to feel each smallest movement of my feet, toes, body.

Of course I’m aware of the fact that I have NO CLUE what kind of progression the ladies who have moved fast have made, or how much time and effort they have put into their own practice (although I do cringe when I see someone on pointe in a classroom, and their lower body looks just like mine when I try on my beloved Capezios for a few minutes a month- from my knee to my toe is barely even a straight line, and as tall as I may try to stand, my knees just won’t straighten... and their teacher is encouraging this? But again, what do I know?)

So I guess in summary, I need to stop comparing myself to others! I don’t know their situation, and right now, I’m actually very happy with mine (well, I will be as soon as the second week of January comes around!). I have a LOT of work to do. My barrework is starting to flow pretty naturally, which is very exciting (even though, as you can see below, my flexibility still has a long way to go!). But even at the gym, I’ve been putting off a lot of centerwork. How I dread sautes and echappes and anything else that requires a fast upward motion of my body with my overly heavy elephant feet leaving the ground! I’m not too worried- that will change when I’m in front of a decent mirrored wall, being told I need to get my feet off the ground- that will be plenty of encouragement to work on those! 

Progress Photos

I wanted to post some progress photos so I can see how far I move along. Also: hopefully, if any of you are feeling bad about a lack of flexibility or some such, you can look at these photos and be glad you aren't this bad! :)

So here is my turnout:

And here are my "splits", as I call them in jest:

Funny, huh?

And so you can see the weird setup I have to work with in my local gym:

Who designed this?? Basically, I can see from my chest up when I am at the barre. But I'm not going to complain: at least I have barres to work with, AND as long as there's no class in there, I've usually got the room to myself.

Once my schedule meshes with another exercise room they have at the gym, I'll go there to work on center movements. No barres, but full length mirrors everywhere!

Training Plan, Post I

I've been thinking of coming up with a training plan for the gym/ballet once I start classes at the beginning of the year. Coincidentally, while searching for something else, I came across this article, "How to Design a Training Plan" (for ballet). (That link is pretty much the sole reason for this post, but enter: some personal thoughts on what I need to work on.)

Edit: Toe strengthening exercise here

Since moving back to my hometown, I've been doing GREAT with going to the gym. I've never been able to be as consistent as I have been, and I'm extremely pleased and proud of myself. I have been focusing more on strength at the gym, and that's definitely good- but this article serves as a good reminder that I really need to focus on stretching, too! I've been doing a little, but not nearly as much as I should be doing.

Another note to self: I need to wake up earlier so I can do as I was previously at the gym- doing a full workout before even starting on ballet... and then doing a full 45-60 minutes of ballet. Lately (thanks to the colder weather, much shorter days, and ergo: depression), I've been getting up later, and haven't had the time to do both, so I've pretty much only done ballet, with like 10-15 minutes of cardio (ugh). This needs to change.

Speaking of cardio, I'm already dreading ballet class jumps. I really need to work on my endurance- I recall from class that my jumps have never been high enough, and I feel like an elephant trying to get my feet off the ground. My body just feels so heavy when it comes to jumping (and I'm not talking jetes or anything fancy), and the fact that it's so cardio does not help. But: I WILL IMPROVE.

I just couldn't stay away...

...Ballet is now in my heart!

Hello, lovelies! It's been over two years since my last post. Life happened, and ballet classes became difficult, but it hasn't left my heart!

I made a move in December 2015, and while there was a ballet class option for me as an adult, it was about a 45 minute drive one-way- a tough prospect even without the inevitable depression swings! I did make it to two or three classes. They were so much different from the classes I've normally taken. There was a lot more work on different combinations, but a lot less work on proper technique. It was definitely a lot of fun- it felt far more "dance-y" than usual, but I didn't really like that I had to focus so much on remembering what I was supposed to be doing that I couldn't work on form. I did, however, learn how to do a pirouette... technically, anyway! ☺

Fast forward to summer of 2017 and we come to my being back in my hometown. I hadn't been here long before it was time to register for fall classes at my favorite school, and circumstances were that I just couldn't yet make the commitment to attend class twice a week, so I didn't enroll. What I did do was get myself a gym membership, and I'm proud to say I've been pretty regular at going to the gym! Even better: my gym offers a Barre class (yuck, I tried it)... which means... they have BARRES in the studio, attached to the walls! Guess who has added some very basic ballet to her gym routine?

Now, I don't know if they changed their website, or if I somehow missed it (more likely), but I was drooling over the school's website one day, and I happen across this statement:

Adult students who are unable to attend on a regular basis may pay for individual classes.

Say whatttt??!! I could have been taking classes all that time without worrying about whether or not I missed occasionally?

So, of course, I made it to the next available class! I'd be too behind in the grade I've graduated to, so I took the class in the same grade I'd taken two years ago. I spoke with one of the administration and paid my drop-in rate. My class was going to be in a different studio, with a different instructor. Said instructor was surprised to see an adult in her class- "You spoke to admin? And they said it was okay? Well, okay...."

I also had to deal with my young classmates (8-9 years old or so) being surprised at having such an old lady (haha) taking a class with them. That part is weird for the first class or three- it's like they're either in awe of me, or terrified of me, or both! I've forgotten a lot of the steps, but I had a general idea of what I was doing. I found some of the little girls were sort of looking to me to follow, while I was looking towards another little girl to follow! I always try to be a really good student, because I'm really grateful to be able to take classes there even though I'm the only adult in the class, and one of the only ones in the school. I count out the steps or call out the movements the way we are supposed to when I remember, even though it's sometimes just me and the teacher doing so.

The huge highlight of my first class: one of my classmates asked me where I did ballet at. I told her I just took classes at the school. Her eyes grew big and she replied, "wow! you're really good!" That was awesome :)

Anyway, at the end of that class, they handed out the schedule to the Nutcracker rehearsals and such. I don't even know if I CAN be in the Nutcracker, and even if so, it wouldn't be this year, so I am waiting until the holidays are over, and starting classes again in January! I'm SO excited!

In other news, I'm tending to an injury of some sort, so I haven't even been to the gym in a week or so. I thought it was my hamstring, but it's flaring up to my rear end, so I'm pretty sure it's my sciatic nerve. I'm taking it really easy, babying it, icing it, and I tried compression when I thought it was just my hamstring. It doesn't seem to be getting better, though, and I don't know what to do :( I read to try and stretch out a sciatic nerve flare up, so I am going to try that again, but it didn't seem to help around the time I tried compression. I have a doctor appointment later this month, so if it's not feeling better by then, I will ask for help. I so badly want this to be healed by the time class starts back up!

Last thing: OMG, Instagram! All of these wonderful beginner (and more advanced) adult ballet students posting! Honestly, it's what inspired me to start writing in this blog again. the.pointer.sisters are currently my favorite ballet students to follow- more advanced than I which is so inspiring, and they always look like they are having such fun! Anyway, I haven't posted anything yet, but I plan on doing so soon, so please follow me @luvballetluv!

Actual last thing: I was very surprised to come back to see that I had a comment on my post about MDM ballet shoes- it meant someone's read this blog! At the time I read the comment, I couldn't find a US retailer of the shoes, but since then, it looks like they are once again available in the USA. I tried using them recently at the gym, which worked a couple of times, but the floor is really dirty there sometimes. I still really love the shoe, and feel like I get more of a foot workout with them than with normal full-sole shoes, so I may invest in a pair just for practice. (Currently using Bloch 205L, which are increasingly difficult to find.)

Ending with some beautiful photos:

Nice Beginner Class

Just came across this one. Definitely more advanced than my class, but absolutely doable for me. The instructor goes step by step through everything and the class then goes through it. Once I start back, this is going to be just the right balance between being too easy and too difficult for me.

Frustration, slacking, end of the year demo

I've definitely been slacking in the ballet department... and blogging, too! I've gotten a touch frustrated with ballet lately. First of all, our class stops and starts a LOT, and the stopping tends to take forever. The kids I'm in class with have been doing ballet for nearly two full ballet years, but they still can't remember the basic terminology they've been doing every class, twice a week for those past two years. "xxx, what is a frappe?" Then we sit while the teacher shows the girl (or occasionally the one boy) what the movement is and tries to eek out the one-word definition from her. SO much of our class is spent doing this.

I skipped a Thursday two weeks ago and went this past Tuesday. Our class has started working on it's end of the year demonstration. I was stressing over whether or not I wanted to be in the demo, as my being an adult would stand out terribly on stage- yet, it would give me something to work towards and give me an opportunity to perform (no matter how poorly, haha!). Well, when I went to class Tuesday, our teacher told me and the other adult (the third only takes class once a week right now) that adults don't usually perform in the demonstration at the end of the year. That takes the dilemma of whether or not I do want to perform off the table (and on the plus side, the girls will be showing off their splits, and as we know, I cannot do a split- and yes, I'm still recovering from my outlandish attempt to do so!) But, well, I was actually leaning towards wanting to perform. I was going to invite my boyfriend and family to watch and everything. Thinking I would have the opportunity to do so was encouraging- I was coming home working quite a bit on my trouble areas, and improving. And now, it's a bit of a bummer, a bit of a discouragement, to know that I won't be able to perform.

Don't get me wrong- I can see the reasoning behind it. It's mostly a kids studio, and these kids have to be treated as though they will be professionals one day, while we all know us adults have long past that ability. It's just a bit of a drag, a bit of a let down.

On the plus side, since everyone is working on the demo, class is moving somewhat faster now, or at least it did Tuesday. We're dancing to different music, which has totally left me (and everyone else) confused, LOL. We didn't stop nearly as much to go over terminology, and DID stop to go over a move I was having trouble with. (I'm still having trouble picking up a few things. If the moves were taught before I started, those are the ones I really struggle with because I'm basically having to learn from others who often get it wrong. When I am shown the move correctly by the teacher, I usually have it down in no time.) On the downside, we also did a lot of practice sitting- sitting there very still so the kids could practice what they would have to do on stage (since they will perform, then sit on stage while others perform). I skipped Thursday's class as well.

I also realized there's no way I could do a summer intensive because, duh! I have a job.

I was going to cancel my Danceflix subscription, but now I think I'm going to keep it and start working more on the Finis Jhung series. I'm even considering dropping out of ballet until the next fall/new season begins. I think I will pick up a few more things first, then do that. And just work as I was doing initially- teaching myself at home. I now have a bunch of corrections to work on and when I checked out one of Finis's DVD sections the other day, which I haven't even looked at in months, it looks totally doable now that I have real class experience under my belt.

Edit: I forgot to add: I'm going to see a ballet this evening! It's being done by the school I took my first class from (the one where everyone was too busy chatting to ballet... though I may have to give that one another shot soon- hopefully the real instructor is off maternity leave by now). It is supposed to be their top-notch students, so hopefully *crosses fingers and points toes* this will give me the inspiration I need to get back to dancing!

Surviving Parent's Night, Today's Success at Discipline

Parent's Night
Just a quick note: my ballet practice today went wonderfully. Actually, let me back up: parent's night was lovely as well. My mom did attend, which was fun, and there weren't really but a couple of other parents there (including one with a super nice camera... please don't post my splits online or anywhere!) I messed up on quite a few things, but that was okay. We also have another adult, which makes for three of us now!

We go over terminology over and over and over again in class. For some reason, these kids just can't pick up the one-word definitions of "frappe", "petite", "degage", etc. I still have a few I mix up (frappe is one, actually), but for the most part, I know all of the definitions. So much of class, we all just stand there while the instructor calls out on of the kids who she knows struggles with the definitions, and we wait while the little girl (or boy) stands there doe-eyed as she pries the definition out. This happens with nearly every single movement we do. Tendus: "what does tendu mean?... Anyone... ***....? .................." Petite battements: "what does tendu mean?... Anyone... ***....? .................." On and on and on. It really eats up class time, and is a bit frustrating at times. I want to make these kids flashcards or something. I would, if I thought they might use it.

Anyway, on parent's night this time (this didn't happen previously), we barely went over any terms! Maybe two or three total! And it was wonderful! I worked so hard because instead of stopping so much for so long, we just went from movement to movement to movement. I was far more sore the day after than I usually am! I can't wait for all our classes to be like that!

I had my mom record a few of the movements I still have problems with, like the body positions. I haven't checked those out yet, but I nearly have them down. We are supposed to do a demonstration at the end of the ballet year. Positions are one of my lesser concerns, because it's very easy to sneak peaks at what the other students do, without being too out of sync. Unlike with, say, pas de bourree, where if you mess up and go the wrong way, it's super obvious.

Today's Practice (at home)
So today, I wasn't at all sure what I was going to do, or if I was even going to do any practice. I was doing some plies at my barre and decided what the heck, I'd get dressed and work some. Practice went so well. I just made up my own routine, and listened to some of the classical music I have. I did quite a few plies and tendus- I went through those two or three times on both sides. Especially with the tendus: they are easy enough to do... but I wanted to work on actually leading with my heel and keeping my foot on the floor as long as possible before bringing it up so my toe was on the ground.

Rond de jambes: I worked on really getting that turnout. The movement seems so easy, but it's difficult for me to remember to turn out as soon as I possibly can and as much as I possibly can.

Frappes: Worked on these as well. With my frappe, I think I flex my foot too much when it's at my ankle. My instructor recently told me to strike the foot farther out, so I worked on that and smoothly brushing it on the floor before coming up. This one's a little hard to do on carpet!

Chasses: I've almost had down our chasses in class- we do them a certain way, in a certain order. But I've also been struggling with these. I've understood the direction we had to move, but it wasn't making sense to me what foot crossed in front when. And then our instructor said something last class that gave me an "aha!" moment: the first half, the left foot is chasing the right and the second half, the right chases the left. With just that short description, I now have the movement down pretty well.

[Description: Start in 5th, right foot in front, arms down in preparatory. Plie. Glide forward (in plie), leading with the right foot, bringing arms up to first (fingers at naval... I just looked this up and realized my arms have been too high!). Quickly bring left foot back to fifth (in the back). With right foot, glide into second plie, arms out. Close to fifth (prep arms), this time with right leg in back. Now reverse that, using the left foot to lead and going to the left instead of right. (See, I kept trying to put the wrong foot in back when gliding into second.)

There are two ways we do this, both actually have an extra step that what I said above: à terre and en l'air. In à terre, before closing the non-leading foot to fifth, we tendu the non-working leg. So if I'm going forward with right foot, I'll glide forward, tendu back with my left leg, and quickly close. Glide right, tendu with left leg, close left foot in front. Glide back with right foot, tendu left foot to the front, snap it back to fifth in front. En l'air is the same, except we dégagé instead of tendu.]

Adagio: Finally (after doing my chasses over and over and over again), I went on to our adagio. We do this one both at the barre and in center. It's a passe through retire then the working leg extends up (grande battement?) and then releve (rise up on our standing leg). It's done front, side, back, side. At the barre, instead of passe, we petite battement, sous-sus (feet jump up- releve- in a tight fifth position), spot, and turn. I practiced that one last week. I was having a lot of trouble getting down what happened after the back, and now I have that one nailed- and my spotting has improved as well! (When in center, instead of spotting and turning around, we [try to] stay in releve, do a few short port de bras, then close in the opposite fifth and do it all on the other leg. )

Our adagio has been really difficult for me! I mentioned we do it à terre AND en l'air (in the air)... and I've barely even been able to do just à terre! So today, I did it over and over again- almost totally in the air. I've still got a long way to go, but I'm more or less able to do the movements without having to put my foot down so much for balance.

In summary (I think I am a bit over-explanatory sometimes... I used to write A LOT but now this blog is pretty much the only writing I do nowadays. I hope to improve as I continue on), I'm super proud of myself because today, I showed a lot of discipline! Not just that, but I was totally in the zone doing it. Sometimes I can try things but have my mind elsewhere, wanting to be doing other things. Sometimes the music that came on wasn't fitting for whatever I was doing, so I either turned it off for a while or I just ignored it (instead of allowing myself to become distracted by trying to find the perfect music or something). Today, I was disciplined! Here's to more of that in the future, and more often!

Now to nail my pas de bourres! I was only just starting to get the hang of the two we've been doing, and now there are two more! Slowly, I can do them. But when we are in center, we do all four in a row, and my feet start getting tangled up! I can do this, though. My boyfriend is convincing me I should, indeed, do the demonstration/performance at the end of the ballet year in May... and I think I just might. I think it's just the encouragement I need to really work hard to improve!

Class tonight- hopefully back on track now

I'm so excited to have class again tonight. I pretty much missed most of February's classes, between my car accident and getting sick with a cold. Hopefully all of the hindrances are behind me and I can continue on without missing any more classes for awhile! I feel like it's disrespectful to the teacher, plus I'm finding I learn moves best when I am there the first time she introduces a new movement; otherwise, I'm trying to learn what I can from watching the other students (who may get it mixed up) and it's taking me a LOT longer to learn what has already been taught than what I have been there to see the first time. I'll apologize, of course... and mention that I've injured myself trying to do my splits... yes, it's healing but I can't put a lot of pressure on it now- I'm such a goofball!

Over the weekend I was feeling better and (I may have mentioned this already) worked on my arabesques and spotting. I've also worked some on my port de bras- my arms have not been very pretty, and I feel more "dance-y" when I think they look nice. I developed one of several (so far) bad habits from teaching myself: my arms in second I tend to place too far to the side of me, my elbows possibly even a little behind me. So I've worked on that some lately, too- even just passing by the mirror now and then. I also watched a couple of YouTube videos on arms in ballet, and again, my second hasn't been very correct: I'm now working on keeping the elbow more rounded, with my palms facing inwards along the line of the rest of my arm.

I hope I don't mess up my arabesques today! We do them with the working foot en terre the first time, and then raise it and hold it for a couple of counts in third arabesque. I've been practicing maintaining my balance. I need to get back to work on my turnout muscles because I am unable to hold an arabesque in the air with a very turned-out foot.

A little inspiration for the day:

 

Taking a mini-break from exercise...

I'm taking a mini-break from today's practice. It's gone well- I've kept myself motivated, which I have been having trouble with. I've had to remind myself that this is fun, not just exercise. (If I view anything as exercise, it becomes a drag and I hate it!)

I didn't do much of a warm-up, but Tamra's classes start slow. I did her Lesson 4: Barre, except a few things at the end, I believe she worked on grande battements, and I didn't do those. I don't think I've even done any of the online classes since starting actual classes (which reminds me- I need to cancel my DanceFlix subscription for now, since I haven't been doing those either). I definitely see improvements in what I can do now versus what I could do before starting live classes!

So I worked my way through those, then I started in on a couple of things I'm having trouble with in class: my arabesques, and ah, our grand battements(??), I think they are. (From fifth, passe to retire, then do a leg extension as high as you can, tendu, close.) With the arabesques, I've been having trouble getting my arms right for where my standing leg is. First arabesque has the arm on the standing leg's side extended, and third arabesque has both hands in the air, but the standing leg side is higher than the working leg. I've been switching those around. So I worked on that quite a bit, and I think I've got the hang of it.

I worked on that second exercise mostly for one reason: after we've done front, side, back, we go back to the side but instead of finishing the same way, our leg is raised (damn, I need to make these flashcards I found online), plie, sous-sus, spot, turn, plie, fifth, immediately repeat the regular exercise. I've been trying to just finish the exercise, forget we are supposed to plie, sous-sus and turn, so by the time I've gotten my body facing the other direction, I forget what the hell we are supposed to be doing, so I miss a few beats catching up, which often totally throws me off. But now: now I think I've got it. I practiced over and over, mostly the part right before and after the turn.

In summary: I've brushed up on my arabesques (and also practiced holding them) and worked on spotting while turning today.

Now to stretch. Let's see how that split's going...

Splits Progress!

Disclaimer: What I am about to discuss was probably a terrible idea to try. I'm sometimes my own guinea pig and risk injuring myself for various tricks and such. I do not recommend trying anything in this post. To do so could truly cause major injury!! 

Edit: I did, in fact, get injured! Nothing too horrible, but still a setback. See my post five days later here. 

Edit #2: Please don't do anything you see in this post. A month later, I'm still injured. Read about it here.

OMG, I can't believe I haven't ever posted photos of my splits here! Probably because they are so sucky, but still, that should have been good reason right there, so I can chart my progress. Anyway, let's just say that never in my life have I ever been able to do any sort of split. Not straddle, or either side. Let's say I've never been within a foot of the floor doing splits. Let's say that because it's all true.

That Tsatsulin book I've mentioned a few times... honestly, I haven't read more than what I'd read by the time I first posted about it (well, maybe a few more chapters later that day, but not really any since then). It's marked at page 43 of 157 now, so that's how far I've made it. And yet, those 43 pages have made a huge difference in the way I'm approaching stretching (which, yes, I did yesterday, along with some ballet).

One of the things Tsatsulin mentions is this: one leg can get into a certain position alone, and the other leg can get into another position alone, but yet, I am unable to do both of those things together. Why? There is nothing connecting the two legs together (I don't even know if this is true or not, but stick with me here). So it's a mental thing, a fear thing. My body is not accustomed to being in a split and so it snaps into fear mode when I try to put it in that sort of position, which only serves to tighten me up more.

There's a bunch more, you should at least read 43 pages.

So yesterday, I had on some meditation/yoga music and I was working on stretching. I got into a splits position. I was taking shallow breaths, and I got into this very Zen-like state. (I do not recommend doing what I am about to tell you about AT ALL, but especially if you have never done meditation or aren't very good at visualizing what's going on in your body!) I thought about how my front leg could get into the right position while alone... and it pretty much got there. I thought about the same with my back leg... and I was practically doing splits!

I'm totally not kidding about this. I have photographic proof:

(Pardon my mirror spots)

 Now, I know that is not a full split: my left leg (um, on the left- I'm in a mirror here... for some reason my left front split is better than my right) isn't totally touching the floor. And my right leg is bent behind me. I don't quite think my body is supposed to be turned in that direction; it should be facing the front. So it probably altogether looks a bit awkward. But I DON'T CARE because I'M DOING A SPLIT!

 

Yes, I was able to do it (awkwardly again) on the other side as well! 

I WOULD like to caution: besides the fact that this was probably a terrible idea and I don't recommend it at all, I also heard a very scary, very loud POP the second time I tried that first split. It came from within my hip area and scared the crap out of me. Also, I'm sore today. Quite sore. (And this is the second day after- today's Monday and this happened Saturday.)

Yet, I don't feel like I've done any damage. I'm definitely not doing anything much with it today besides walking, and didn't yesterday either. But honestly, this is about the sort of splits some of the young girls in my class can do- with the back leg bent some- and now I will (possibly) be able to do it too!

And my straddle split improved as well:

Not only have I never been able to get that far apart, I was even able to ease my elbows all the way to the ground (though it was difficult to totally rest that way).

I'm so excited. Thank you, Mr. Tsatsulin! Here is a (pdf) link to Relax into Stretch again.

(P.S. That's one of my new leotards from Discount Dance that I scored for under $15!)

Lacking Discipline

I knew this time would come; I've mentioned it here several times: the time when I find myself seriously lacking discipline. I wasn't sure exactly the form: I am, at least, taking ballet classes twice a week. And I do usually arrive an hour early to warmup. But my home practice, including stretching, has pretty much dropped down to nil.

I mentioned it to my boyfriend last night, that I just can't seem to find the motivation to practice at home. And he reminded me: I need to discipline myself. Yes, that's exactly what I need. Today is Saturday, and I have it all to myself (besides taking my pup to the park and for a walk around the park). And today, I am going to get in a good ballet session at home, including working on the things we do in class (including our new pas de bourre over and under) and getting in some stretching.

For now to finish my coffee and get motivated with some YouTube.

Back to class, breathing while stretching, "lengthening" muscles versus "relaxing" them

I made it to class yesterday- it felt soooo good to be exercising and stretching again. (I sat out the second half, due to the jumps.) Somehow, it seems a break did me some good- it feels like I'm slightly more flexible, but maybe I'm imagining it. But when doing center splits, I'm able to get my elbows down to the ground- though perhaps I'm simply not stretching as wide as normal.

(Although I did read somewhere [in a book preview on Amazon, I think, about ballet/dance anatomy] that ideally, a dancer or such will take two full weeks off each year of not exercising (or maybe only gentle exercising, and it does their bodies a whole lot of good!)(I'm not anywhere near a professional dancer, though, and haven't even been doing ballet for a year!)

So, we have a new adult in class! She's taller than me, 21 years old, and about as flexible as I am! So I feel a little less awkward in class now, but slightly more awkward having another adult who may be watching me. (I'm not sure what I will do when I go to adult-only classes if I move!) That's pretty exciting.

I told my instructor, when my left leg was in retire, but would not get that nice, even line like my right leg is capable of getting, that I wasn't able to get that leg out there. She assumed it was from my accident. I tried to clarify after class, but she didn't catch it, and isn't going to call me out on that leg anymore. I'm kinda relieved- I'm trying with that leg but it is simply not shaped to do what I'd like it to do.

How I want my retire to look!

 Before class when I was stretching, though, I did work on my left leg. I put it up in retire, eased up against a vertical barre... bar, and twisted a bit so the leg got closer to the correct position. I held it like that for a minute or so, and when I stepped away from the barre my line looked much better- but I wasn't able to access that again the next time I tried. So my left leg, it seems, will make a nice line in retire, but it is going to take a lot of stretching- and strengthening- to get it to hold that position. (All of this due to my tibial torsion.)

More leotards came in, including a different style of black that I will actually feel comfortable wearing in class! Still have those photos coming one day!

(I mean, LOOK at this! Amazing turnout, foot pointed so well, that leg high up in retire, clean line, just lovely!

I believe I linked to Tsatsulin's book recently, on stretching. He brings up a fantastic point: don't breathe deep breaths when doing deep stretches. When you do so, you're breathing tension into that muscle (especially if you're focusing on the muscle, visualizing it releasing, etc). Instead, it's better to take short, shallow breaths. I tried this yesterday, and it totally helped me.

A note on that: he also recommends not focusing on lengthening your muscles, tendons, fascia. Instead, you are releasing what it there. That totally makes intuitive sense to me. I've never worked on elongating muscles, even when I've read or heard the term "lengthen your muscles". I don't need them longer. I need them to loosen up- the looser they get, the deeper of a stretch and the more flexible I am.

Music & Markings

I happened to glance down at the record player (yes, my instructor uses an old-timey record player with vinyl records!) as I was walking out of class last week. Really, all I noticed was the word "Cecchetti", which possibly gives me something to go by when I'm practicing certain movements that differ between styles, such as arabesques.

Then I was watching some ballet videos and heard one of the songs that we use in class, the title below the video: Robert Long's "Battements Glisses". I just decided to check out the iTunes store and see if I could could find the album- and sure enough, there it was, along with a number of other songs we use in class. Of course, I shelled out the $10 so I can practice along to the right music :)

I also took some masking tape and marked where my feet should be in first/fifth near the barre (I tend to stand too close to the barre, and this is a proper distance away). Then I tendu'ed to second and put an X in masking tape where my a la seconde should be (since we don't have perfect turnout, my instructor has us do a la seconde wherever our feet point in first position instead of straight out to the side). I repeated for the other side, using the same mark for first/fifth (which I put near the halfway mark near the center of my barre). I've noticed (and it's been pointed out to me several times) that my foot should always arrive at the same place in many occasions when in a la seconde, so I'm hoping this helps me develop the muscle memory I need for this.

Parent's Night, Remembering Class

So my last class proved to be quite different from normal classes. I somehow skipped the memo that it was parent's night. (I think it was actually on the paper that we were given something-something-parent's-something-parking-parent's, whatever, it didn't seem to pertain to me at the time.) I was settling in on the floor as the girls were positioning themselves, and I was starting in on my ankle rolls (god, those still hurt!) and the parent's were coming in and sitting in the chairs. "Is it parent's night?" I asked my little red-headed friend. She nodded her head. "Oh! I'm a little nervous now!" I told her, and she giggled at me.

So there we were, on the floor under the barre, doing our ankle rolls, myself towering above all the others (and I'm not in bad shape, but when surrounded by little nine-year-olds with pretty much no fat on their bodies, I look like a big, fat giant next to them!) One of the parents is staring at me, and I stare back at her, but it was an odd stare standoff because I knew she was staring and she knew I knew she was staring but she wasn't quite making eye contact with me, just staring at my face somewhere. While still staring at me, she asked the instructor something, who replied "oh, no, she's a student!" and then they kept talking, but too low for me to hear, and the lady kept staring at me! So that was a little awkward and I'd love to know what was said. At least one of the other parents looked impressed and said something about "exercise", but that was all I heard. All in all, I'm really glad there were no fathers there, because I would definitely have felt awkward.

I happened to have on my most modest leotard, thank goodness, and I'd also not forgotten to put on my silicone nipple covers (I just ordered more- those are sooooo handy! My first class got very weird when I noticed my nipples were shining through). I even had on a sports bra I usually don't wear, because the wide crossed straps in the back are obvious, but on this night I was glad for the extra modesty. (Don't get me wrong, I'm never ever dressed inappropriately- I won't even wear a camisole, remember? But a couple of leotards are a little lower in the front, which only proves a slight problem when we lay on the floor for our back exercises, and I have to be sure to pull the neck up a touch or the slightest cleavage will show.) I'd also happened to take a bit of extra anxiety medication, so it didn't go too bad.

I did get called out a little more than normal, but that was okay- I was doing things incorrectly. I kinda blew a few things in the center. When we do center, I usually have to follow the one girl who is very good, or another one of the girls if she isn't in front of me. The slower movements like our arabesques go fine enough, but with the faster-paced things (like pas de bourres), it can take me a few beats to figure out what we are doing. On this night, though, it took me more than  a few beats when I messed up, and I had more trouble than usual on center. But I didn't let it bring me down! I was glad when class was over, though, and made my way out quickly after curtseying to our wonderful instructor.

So today is Saturday and I am trying to go through in my head what we do in class and write it down so I can work on it. I know we do plie, tendu, degage... and then the order gets hazy for me. I do know we also do ronde de jamb and frappes... and then it gets very hazy. I'm thinking we do passé developpe but there is also something before that, two somethings I can't quite think of... Oh, awesome. I'd been looking at that linked video in a playlist and came across one of the movements: it's just a passé. So that comes before the passé developpe. Now for the other I can't remember. It's like the passé but our leg doesn't come up into retire. So I'm just missing one for barre (although I'm not sure the proper preparation for each of them), and our last one is, I believe, an echappe sous-sus? It's done facing the barre, 1) spring up from fifth to sous-sus 2) spring back down to fifth 3) echappe? (both feet go out away from each other) 4) spring back down to opposite fifth... spring up, don't change fifth, spring out, change fifth, etc.

Center, of course, gets more difficult, and it changes up. But I know we do: our arabesques, positions of the body on stage, the echappe sous-sus or whatever we do at the barre but in the center, and our port de bras, which I allllmost have down. I'm going to try those today because I like them and I really want to have them down without having to watch the other girl. (I'm sorry, friend! I know it must be awkward to constantly have a grown-up staring at you and trying to follow along, especially if you make a mistake that's highlighted because two of us are doing it!)

So yep, that's where I'm at today. Still not having time to practice every night, but I'm working on getting more and more stretching and/or exercises in during the week.

Today: Stretching & Strengthening

I have done so little lately in terms of strengthening that I can totally tell. Grande plies are a bitch right now- I struggle with them again. I'm starting back with randomly doing pliés, relevés, and uh, I don't know if it's a ballet move but it's a développé derrière skipping the attitude positions- so like a back leg raise to target my glutes, basically. (I'm a bit afraid that doing as many of these as I like to do may actually hinder my développé derrières due to building so much muscle, and due to the fact that I actually do it a little outwards instead of straight back because it seems to work my glutes more, but the payoff is proving to be a much firmer ass, and so it's worth it to me to work on these. I do need to work more on keeping my extended leg straight, as that doesn't come naturally in that position.)

Basically, since I've started taking actual classes, my work outside of class has dwindled. I do try to arrive an hour early to stretch before class, and sometimes to have some of the girls help me out with some movements, and I also try to stay at least 20-30 minutes after class stretching some, but otherwise I haven't been doing as much as I was, and that needs to change.

I have stopped working the classes I was doing online. I really want to focus on strength and stretching right now- and working on learning the movements in class as quickly as I can, because those are what I want to be practicing at home. I almost have them down to where I will feel comfortable practicing at home, but I'm not quite there yet: I'm afraid of practicing and getting a movement down well, only to be in class and realize I've been doing it wrong. But I am picking things up pretty well, and that will soon be an option for me.

I'm focusing a lot on stretching right now, after doing the warmup I usually do (which I have mostly memorized, so it's also what I do when I first get to the studio and get changed from work clothes). I'm quit excited because even though two of my splits are still embarrassingly high, one of them, my left side split, is actually making noticeable progress! I'm not to the ground yet, and am still inches away from it, but less than a foot, I think, and that's a big difference for me!

So yep, back to it!

Oh, edit! I just wanted to say that when I first started, leg raises/releves were kinda difficult for me- I mean, well, they are hard.  When I first started, I would do about 12-15 one-legged relevés (usually with the other leg in sur le cou-de-pied or retiré) and 30 relevés in a set. Now I'm up to somewhere like 60-100 relevés and I've doubled my one-legged retirés, doing 25-30+ each set. (And I guess I've been doing enough lately, because even with some weakening, I am still able to do these with some ease.)

Recently...

Wow, it's been awhile since I've updated! I've been super-busy in my personal life (involving a whole lot of sleep, among other things- I believe it's the meds I'm on. I just can't get enough SLEEP!) I had to miss one of my ballet classes, along with about five days of practice/workout, because my stomach was very upset for awhile :(

I went to class, let's see, last Tuesday, and skipped Thursday. I went to both classes this week. I'm feeling a bit mushy because I just haven't worked out like I was, but it's okay because absence makes the heart grow fonder; I'm actually craving workouts and stretches, which is something I don't think I have ever done (except maybe once, a semester over a decade ago, where I took three glorious months of yoga classes). Tuesday I still wasn't feeling well, but went to class. Wednesday I started back up with some minor exercises (throwing in some plies and leg raises when I can). Thursday, yesterday, I started really feeling some improvements in class.

I've had a hell of a week or two. It's been quite stressful for me, and overwhelming. I usually try to keep my life very, very simple. I limit stress as much as possible. But one thing happened that was very stressful, and another thing has happened that is positive but still overwhelming, so it's a bit stressful too. So I've constantly had all of these things on my mind. And the ONE time I am able to totally clear my head, not think or feel anything, is when I am in class. (That's a big difference from working out at home while doing my own ballet-oriented workouts, because my mind was somewhat free to wander.) It's absolutely fantastic. After only a handful of classes, I crave going to class, being fully in my body instead of in my head (where I usually am) or heart (where I can sometimes be found). I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!

I'm starting to pick up what exactly we are doing. I still don't have everything down, but I am getting there. I am starting to be fussed at for my arms, because sometimes I am just so caught up in making sure my feet are doing the right thing that my arms are just doing whatever, occasionally moving to the right direction only to stay there while everyone else moves on.

So, I just wanted to make a quick update. I hope to be back on some sort of routine schedule soon, and be able to post more.

My First Classes!

I know you, my dear (eventual, at least) reader, have been on the edge of your seat waiting to hear how my first classes have gone, the ones with the second year nine year olds. And I'm here to let you know...

I LOVE IT!!!

All of my fears went out the window just about as soon as we started the first class. First of all, my teacher (whom I'd met before) was very nice and put me at ease. I was feeling a little shy, but she told me to go ahead and take off my shirt to get to just my leotard/tights/slippers, and told me to get behind one girl who is very good, and in front of another girl (who was good as well, though not to the first's level).

Everyone (about six or eight children total, all girls except one boy, and I'm the oldest one by decades) was already on the floor starting their warmups. (I did a half-hearted warm up prior to class, but there were moms around and it was my first day there and I felt too nervous to do much the first day.) Almost immediately, I saw one thing I need to work on: ankle rolls! I've always done maybe 5-10 in then out at a time. Nope, not here. We start each class with 64 counts in and 64 counts out. OUCH! (Luckily, this is something I can work on while sitting in my chair at work.)

Our barre exercises were so much fun! From what I've gathered, the girls have been working on the same basics every class. They say a little chant of what each foot is doing as it moves (touch back, touch front, etc), and we've gone from tendus to plies to frappes to petite battements sur le-cou-de-pied to rond de jambes and a few others I'm forgetting. The exercises are quite a bit different from what I've been doing. I don't quite have them down yet, but it's definitely doable.

Note: What I just mentioned is THE best thing about my class. I can do the exercises, but I don't have them down yet- the order, the making it look pretty. So it's just right: difficult, but not overly so.

With the barre, I am having trouble with my arms and head. I only touched on that with my online classes and DVDs and am not used to doing it more frequently. I'm already getting the hang of some of the movements, but when we get to more complicated foot patterns, I focus on that and try to keep my arms in second or first (though sometimes they are all over the place).

After barre, we moved to the center: two rows, me behind the proficient girl. The center was more difficult for me, as I suspected it would be, but again, not overly so. Mostly, it's a matter of learning the order of each exercise, and then with the center, balance is another issue I'll be working on. The hardest thing for me as far as balance goes has been maintaining it while doing grand plies, especially fifth. Luckily, that's something I can work on at home. I also have trouble with my arabesques, but I'm quickly picking up the arm positions- I almost have the general placement down and then it will be time to fine-tune that.

Finally, we did some movements across the room diagonally, both ways. The first thing we did was a little three-step skip thing. The next one was way harder for me- I was totally lost. I told the little girl behind me to go ahead in front of me, so I could watch a little longer. (She is ADORABLE! Cute little girl with long, curly red hair! She's one of the staff's daughters.) She looked up at me with big eyes and whispered, "We have to go together." And so we did.

The only time I really felt out of place some (and honestly, this would have happened even if I was their age) was when everyone did splits. Only myself and one little girl cannot do at least one split- we hover a foot above what everyone else can do. I knew that would happen, and I knew I would compare myself, but I'm already working on that. (Okay, well, I feel a little out of place when I'm looking in the mirror, and towering over everyone. I think I've gained a little weight- it fluctuates- and I think I've gained a little extra muscle mass in my legs, so not only am I taller than everyone, my weight really stands out, too. Yes, I know I'm an adult, but... ok, I'm self-conscious about the way I look!)

Tonight's class was a lot easier in terms of my anxiety. I left work a little earlier than planned and ran home and changed. I arrived at the studio early, and spent time doing some decent stretching. I was just on the hall floor, and then the little redhead comes over to me and opens the door to another studio room and tells me that's where we usually go and warm up. So we went in there and I was warming up and the little girls were making their way in and warming up, playing on the barre, talking.

Tonight went pretty much the same (though we didn't have to do awkward grand plies, yay!). I did better at keeping up, though I still have a ways to go. I got a few corrections tonight, which did not happen in my first class. (I'm also trying to take in any corrections she gives others and apply them to myself, as long as I'm not totally wrapped up in just trying to get a movement down.) My little red-headed friend seemed happy that we partnered again (her mother told me she'd been all excited that we were partners the first class!). At the very end of the class, my teacher went over that last diagonal movement we do. It involves a plie, a tendu, two steps, a half-turn while switching to a third step with the other foot, a very small arabesque, two backwards steps, and a half-turn switching feet to land in a plie with tendu. (Whew!) Luckily, my little friend brought me into the extra studio room after class and she pretended she was the teacher. First, she showed me side by side how to do it. (And didn't complain when I asked her to do it several more times with me.) Then, she sat in the teacher's chair and played teacher. She helped me with it some more next to me, and another girl came in to work on it with us. I lingered a bit in the hallway as everyone was leaving, practicing this step so I could work on it this weekend, with four days in between classes. And I pretty much have it down! I'm SO glad my friend showed me. It's one of those things I am definitely going to have to do over and over to pick it up (and that's before actually making it look somewhat pretty), but I have the steps in my head in the right order, and that's half the battle.

So yes, totally psyched about ballet! I'm definitely not ready for the next level, and am definitely fine staying in this one until I'm ready to progress. I'm going to try not to rush my progress and rush getting into the next class, for I know that the longer you work on your basics, the better a foundation you'll have (especially once en pointe- provided I make it that far, which I do hope!)

My self-teaching has definitely helped me. One thing I've been doing incorrectly, though, has been my rond de jambes en dedans- my toe is supposed to come more in front of the toe of my standing leg, so I'll be relearning that some. I've also been using third instead of fifth, but we work from fifth even though none of us have 180* turnout.

So yep, that's how my first two classes have gone. I love going, I'm already getting more comfortable, I already have something new to work on (oh, plus some port de bras in the different stage positions, if I can remember... along with terminology- she quizzes the little girls on that a lot, and they stumble over it), and I'm definitely more motivated now to stretch!