I just couldn't stay away...

...Ballet is now in my heart!

Hello, lovelies! It's been over two years since my last post. Life happened, and ballet classes became difficult, but it hasn't left my heart!

I made a move in December 2015, and while there was a ballet class option for me as an adult, it was about a 45 minute drive one-way- a tough prospect even without the inevitable depression swings! I did make it to two or three classes. They were so much different from the classes I've normally taken. There was a lot more work on different combinations, but a lot less work on proper technique. It was definitely a lot of fun- it felt far more "dance-y" than usual, but I didn't really like that I had to focus so much on remembering what I was supposed to be doing that I couldn't work on form. I did, however, learn how to do a pirouette... technically, anyway! ☺

Fast forward to summer of 2017 and we come to my being back in my hometown. I hadn't been here long before it was time to register for fall classes at my favorite school, and circumstances were that I just couldn't yet make the commitment to attend class twice a week, so I didn't enroll. What I did do was get myself a gym membership, and I'm proud to say I've been pretty regular at going to the gym! Even better: my gym offers a Barre class (yuck, I tried it)... which means... they have BARRES in the studio, attached to the walls! Guess who has added some very basic ballet to her gym routine?

Now, I don't know if they changed their website, or if I somehow missed it (more likely), but I was drooling over the school's website one day, and I happen across this statement:

Adult students who are unable to attend on a regular basis may pay for individual classes.

Say whatttt??!! I could have been taking classes all that time without worrying about whether or not I missed occasionally?

So, of course, I made it to the next available class! I'd be too behind in the grade I've graduated to, so I took the class in the same grade I'd taken two years ago. I spoke with one of the administration and paid my drop-in rate. My class was going to be in a different studio, with a different instructor. Said instructor was surprised to see an adult in her class- "You spoke to admin? And they said it was okay? Well, okay...."

I also had to deal with my young classmates (8-9 years old or so) being surprised at having such an old lady (haha) taking a class with them. That part is weird for the first class or three- it's like they're either in awe of me, or terrified of me, or both! I've forgotten a lot of the steps, but I had a general idea of what I was doing. I found some of the little girls were sort of looking to me to follow, while I was looking towards another little girl to follow! I always try to be a really good student, because I'm really grateful to be able to take classes there even though I'm the only adult in the class, and one of the only ones in the school. I count out the steps or call out the movements the way we are supposed to when I remember, even though it's sometimes just me and the teacher doing so.

The huge highlight of my first class: one of my classmates asked me where I did ballet at. I told her I just took classes at the school. Her eyes grew big and she replied, "wow! you're really good!" That was awesome :)

Anyway, at the end of that class, they handed out the schedule to the Nutcracker rehearsals and such. I don't even know if I CAN be in the Nutcracker, and even if so, it wouldn't be this year, so I am waiting until the holidays are over, and starting classes again in January! I'm SO excited!

In other news, I'm tending to an injury of some sort, so I haven't even been to the gym in a week or so. I thought it was my hamstring, but it's flaring up to my rear end, so I'm pretty sure it's my sciatic nerve. I'm taking it really easy, babying it, icing it, and I tried compression when I thought it was just my hamstring. It doesn't seem to be getting better, though, and I don't know what to do :( I read to try and stretch out a sciatic nerve flare up, so I am going to try that again, but it didn't seem to help around the time I tried compression. I have a doctor appointment later this month, so if it's not feeling better by then, I will ask for help. I so badly want this to be healed by the time class starts back up!

Last thing: OMG, Instagram! All of these wonderful beginner (and more advanced) adult ballet students posting! Honestly, it's what inspired me to start writing in this blog again. the.pointer.sisters are currently my favorite ballet students to follow- more advanced than I which is so inspiring, and they always look like they are having such fun! Anyway, I haven't posted anything yet, but I plan on doing so soon, so please follow me @luvballetluv!

Actual last thing: I was very surprised to come back to see that I had a comment on my post about MDM ballet shoes- it meant someone's read this blog! At the time I read the comment, I couldn't find a US retailer of the shoes, but since then, it looks like they are once again available in the USA. I tried using them recently at the gym, which worked a couple of times, but the floor is really dirty there sometimes. I still really love the shoe, and feel like I get more of a foot workout with them than with normal full-sole shoes, so I may invest in a pair just for practice. (Currently using Bloch 205L, which are increasingly difficult to find.)

Ending with some beautiful photos:

Office Exercises/Seated Stretches

My job consists of computer work five days a week, eight hours a day (plus an hour for lunch that I may or may not work during). I'm lucky in that I can get up and walk around a bit, and go outside once an hour for my (horrible, I know, I know!) habit of smoking (during which I am usually doing some sort of movement).

Since starting ballet, I've been playing around with various exercises and stretches I can do while at work, while sitting. I've looked around the internet for office exercises/seated exercises, and really haven't found as many as I thought I would. Many of the ones I've found... well, I'm in a large shared office with three other people and the occasional customer, and I'd look ridiculous doing most of what I've found. (How would I explain sitting down, standing up, sitting down, etc. over and over again?? Or holding my arms straight out and doing arm circles, while everyone else is working?) I've been doing some of those I've found, and otherwise been working on creating my own. So I thought I'd start a list here of some of the seated/office exercises I do, and you may want to try as well.

• Doming. Of course this is one. This is my most used one, actually, and THE reason why my arches and pointed feet are improving so quickly! (Seriously, I do it all day long.)
• Calf raises. (I just discovered this one- a different way, which inspired this post.) I've tried the normal seated calf raises, where the feet are in parallel and the lower legs get lifted into releve, but that didn't seem to do much for me. I just set my right ankle on my left knee and then did a calf raise, and the extra weight really helped me feel the exercise. Then switch sides. 
• Seated stretch #1. Same position as calf raises: right ankle on left knee. Lean forward. When you're ready, switch sides. I'm not going to attempt the anatomy here, but I do feel it in a number of places- be careful that you don't overdo this one, or do it too quickly!
• Ankle rolls. Pretty self-explanatory. Raise right foot, rotate clockwise. Rotate counterclockwise. Switch. 
• Pointed feet. Raise right leg slightly. Take foot from flat through demi to full pointe, going slowly. Reverse. Switch.
• Butt clenches. (A little controversy on whether or not this one does anything, and it can be noticeable, so do at your own risk.) Using the muscle only, squeeze one side of the glutes. Hold for three counts, then switch.

To be continued...

Today's Ballet

Today's ballet went well (when I wasn't sneaking peaks at my eBay watch list to make sure Christmas gifts weren't being sold from under me!). Warmup, of course, then I picked up where I left off with Lesson 4 Barre. After that, I brought out Finis Jhung's easiest level center class. Popped it in the drive, check out the menu (that only says "Exercise 1" and so forth), go to the first exercise, and am immediately intimidated by what comes up:

Tendu, dégagé en en l'air, tombé en avant, arabesque balance

Say what? But of course Jhung breaks it down very easily, even reminding the viewer to take the first half beat to shift balance to the standing leg. I practiced that quite a few times- other than my boring one actual ballet class, and a little bit of pas de bourre with Tamra, I really haven't done a lot of movement across the floor. Most of what I've done has either been barre, or basically changing positions more or less in one spot. I'm glad that was my basis to work from, though, because I was definitely more stable on one leg, better able to balance on my working leg than I could have a few weeks ago.

The second one was more difficult for me to grasp- the arm movements were quite different than anything I've ever done with my arms, and I had trouble remembering which foot to start with if I wanted to go a particular direction (the movements were de côté, or "to the side"). I did that one quite a few times as well, but I think I ended up working my right side more than my left one. 

I can feel myself starting to just watch the movements being done by others and following along instead of actually learning it. For some reason I've always struggled a little with this. I think it's possible I need a little extra time than a lot of people learning motions with my body, because I remember being like this as a child, too. It always took me a little longer to pick something up, like a dance routine. I'm much more of a potential thinker than a kinetic doer, lol- basically, I over-think things, trying to form some sort of sense of something rather than just doing it and picking up the nuances over time and with repetition. Since others move faster than me, I guess I've made it a habit to just follow along with what they are doing instead of being able to really grasp what I'm doing. It's really a very different way of learning than what I'm used to, so of course I'm struggling some. (Not sure if all of that made sense...)

But anyway, even though the center work is challenging for me, I'm really enjoying it so far. (I enjoy challenging myself, especially my way of thinking!) It's now been about seven and a half weeks(!!) since I started teaching myself ballet, and I'm now starting to be able to see the foundation that I've been laying down the past almost-two months. There are still soooooo many details to learn, but I'm beginning to see a more holistic picture of ballet than just seeing steps I have to learn. The pieces are fitting together more now. It's really cool, and I'm really proud of myself, especially for sticking with it even through the lack of motivation I had just recently! (I normally would have stopped learning something at that point.)

My flexibility is improving, too, I'd like to add. I'm getting way more in touch with my body. I do a lot of normal stretching movements, but I also mix in different things, just going with the flow. If I'm leaning my chest down towards my knee, for instance, and I feel a tug in my back, I'll listen closely to my body and move in a way that gently stretches out that tug. Today, for instance, I was stretching my hamstrings and I felt a tight spot, so I got out one of my little hard bouncy balls, placed it under my leg, and moved it around until I found just the right spot. I gently pressed down into it... feeling it give a little... a little more... and then a release, a definite letting go that totally clears my mind for a few seconds and "wows!" me. Those moments are difficult to find, but when I do, it's just such a great feeling... tension that's built up in my body for years and years suddenly let go, vanished, vamoose!

Loosen Tight Hamstrings

Believe it or not, this really works! Basically all you do is step on a tennis ball! Try with your tighter leg first then compare that leg to the one you haven't tried this on.

I'd love to know your results! Leave a comment!

Tibial torsion... taping?

I've been really focused on this tibial torsion, if you can't tell. What's interesting to me is that I can actually twist my knee around to the place it should be at. I was looking up more videos on it and came across this one. Judging by his uploads, he seems to be a massage therapist. No, I don't believe a random massage therapist on the internet is an expert on anatomy, but he is doing something that actually occurred to me to do: taping the knee and surrounding area to it's ideal position on someone with T.T. He says that T.T. occurs because the sartoris, gracilis, and semitendinosus (hamstring) muscles are weak, and not pulling the knee where it is supposed to be. (I've heard the hamstring mentioned regarding this a lot- no clue about the other muscles.)

Lately, when I've been stretching my left leg, I've been focusing on using my leg muscles to turn my tibia externally. I am able to do this; I don't need to use my hands, so this tells me it IS possible to get the knee back in place. It seems like, well, just what he's said and others have said- certain muscles are weak and certain muscles are too tight.

In the video, traylbodywork shows himself taping a patient's knee into the right position. I recently considered doing something like this myself, but wasn't sure if it was a good or at least decent idea, or a terrible one. But apparently, "Kineseo Taping" is a thing. I'm intrigued.

I was about to whip out some duct tape this evening, but I don't want to mess with my class tomorrow. This could be a very bad idea. It could mess up my knee even worse. But my intuition tells me there is something to it. After class tomorrow (or the next evening), I am going to be my own guinea pig. I'm going to try this taping business out. While continuing to focus on it the way I have been. I'm really convinced this is fixable. We're going to find out! (I am going to try to take some decent photos before I try this so I can have something for comparison in the future.)

Hip Rotators, Stretching, Motivation

I spent about an hour last night stretching- focusing primarily on my left leg. My left leg is definitely the weakest, least flexible, and is the leg with external tibial torsion.

I came across some myofascial massage videos, and I tried to go along with one of them. It seemed to be a good video... for someone with a lot more anatomy knowledge than me. And more strength to try and press into the right spot and hold that strength there (wherever it was!). So I went to another video, and tried using a tennis ball and one of those firmer bouncy balls- the larger of the ones that you used to be able to get out of candy machines... I'm really looking for this kind, as it seems more the strength and size I need in general, but I'm not finding one in Walmart or corner pharmacies:

 

Anyway, so the ball idea wasn't working on my hip flexors. When I pressed inside my upper thigh, all I got was tendons (it felt like, anyway). I even tried rolling up my yoga mat very tight to use like a foam roller, but it would get smooshed and not roll. (I'm really going to need to make some Amazon purchases soon!)

So finally I just decided to do some of the stretching I've done before, but more intensely.
I've also been reading about how one of my anatomy issues may have to do with tight hamstrings. Last night, I worked on accessing both of those together. At first, I did the exercise where you are lying on the bed, holding the more flexible leg bent at the knee and all the way up to the chest, holding with an arm, and then the left leg (for me) falls off the bed, so that gravity is working on pulling that hip flexor more open.

After that, I did lunge work. I've been doing this thing where I do a deep lunge, but I work on the hip rotators (on the leg with the knee UP). Basically, I get into a deep lunge, and slowly turn/rotate/push/pull/etc (wherever- knee, torso, whatever it takes) until I am accessing the hip rotator. Once I have that spot engaged, I move around more, slowly, really WORKING on that stretch. For me, it HAS to be done in a sort of meditative state- if I try watching videos or something, I'm not as focused and I can lose that spot, or worse push too hard and hurt myself.

Last night, I eventually found myself in that lunge position, but with my left knee in the air, my torso rotated away to the right, and my left shoulder all the way under my left leg so I could use my shoulders to press my leg back and away from my hips.

It's not really something I can explain precisely how someone else should do it, because the tight spots on me are not necessarily going to be the same for anyone else. And besides that, what feels good one night may not feel so great the next, even on my own body. (I'd like to add that it can be really easy to overdo stretching when you're doing it this way, just feeling with your body. This is another reason I have to focus only on what I'm doing. I really have to pay attention to my body's signals.) But last night, while I was doing that deep lunge, really focusing on what was being stretched, I felt something inside "give" a little. Something inside opened up a little more, and I was then able to go even deeper. It felt really good. (I actually heard it a little when it happened.) I don't think it was a "pop" like popping knuckles, because this morning when I woke up, it still felt a lot lighter and more "open", even more so than my right hip (which is still, by far, the more flexible).I just felt something tight give way and loosen up, I think.

So that's exciting for me. I realized I can actually turn out to nearly 90 degrees on my right. It is just the left side that is so problematic, and it's very noticeable. In pliés, my right knee goes directly over the right foot, even close to 90 degrees. (Holding 90 degrees is too much for me right now, but still doable, and I know I will be able to hold that hopefully soon.) My left side can turn out some, but 1) the hip flexor isn't as flexible/strong, 2) my left knee points inwards, and 3) it ends up with my leg being fairly turned out- hips (not as well as right side) and feet (better than right side)- but not appearing that way due to my inward-facing left tibia. I'm not sure if I will ever look as though I have perfect turnout, but I do honestly believe that with a lot of stretching and strength work, I will be able to improve even the left side. (I'm thinking being able to eventually have my feet turned all the way out, with my hips a lot more so as well, but the left knee may never go totally over the foot. I'm not recommending this to anyone, and it may be harmful to me so I can only see what happens as I progress.)

I realized yesterday that I was really getting caught up in the technique and perfection thing, and that I was sapping a little of the "fun" out of what I'm doing. Not only does that kinda defeat the purpose, but if it's not fun, it's really not something I'm going to stick with. I've come SO far in only five weeks- I'm stronger than I've ever been- and I want to KEEP finding enjoyment. The DVD and video work was just getting a little tedious. So I put on a ballet on youtube, got inspired by that and just danced around my living room, pretending I was an amazing ballerina. (I even did some [horrendous-looking] turns and jumps, haha!)

And then I put on my beautiful pointe shoes, noting that even that is looking a lot better. I can see now where the shank is so much stronger than my foot is (and I don't think it's even a strong shank- Capezio Contemporas), yet I'm starting to be able to bend it into an arch, ever so slightly (thanks to the work I've been doing with my feet). I'm also able to stand straighter in them. I'm definitely not over the box, but I am closer to that than I was a couple of weeks ago when I tried them on. Holding onto something sturdy, I pushed up, bent my knees a little, and got the whole box on the floor, so I was able to see kinda what that felt like. If the foot isn't arched enough, the whole box won't be on the floor, and so it was neat to see and feel that. (Don't worry, I didn't keep them on long. I'm only doing it for inspiration.) Oh, I also noticed that my toes are getting stronger, and I was able to keep them straighter inside the box. Before, I could only scrunch them up inside. Some is strength, and some is muscle coordination- I'm still working on keeping my toe muscles isolated enough to make sure my toes are straight when I point my feet.

After my amazing solo that no one but my pets got to see, I went on to do those stretching exercises I mentioned above. I've been working on the technicalities, and had forgotten that I need to also be getting in touch with my body. Doing that last night really lifted my spirits some.

In other news, I friended the lady whose parents own the dance studio. I'm really nervous, but I know I need to get into real classes very soon. I'm getting stronger, able to focus more on technique now rather than only whether or not I have the strength to do things. My balance is getting better as well, and I feel more comfortable doing things like rond de jambes away from the barre. Now to overcome my anxiety of doing something totally new (and exercise at that!) in a group of people that I don't know. My anxiety has caused me to dread even fun things in the past, instead of wanting to go. I don't want to dread ballet class- I want to go and enjoy it. So I will be working on that this week and next. I told myself six weeks to build up strength, and I'm closing in on that. I see my psychologist today, so I will bring this up with him!