Poshmark: Leotards & Dancewear for Sale!

I'm not going to advertise much on here, but I wanted to mention that I'm starting to sell some really nice new and gently used dance wear on my Poshmark. My username there is @thepsychokitten and the link is this. The reason I'm posting this now is I'm really starting to amp up my dance wear sales there. Not a lot of people are selling it!

In case you are new to the site, well, here's my favorite thing about it: $6.49 expedited shipping on all orders! Now this sucks if you just want to buy a $5 bracelet, but Poshmark is all about shoppers creating "bundles". If you find something you REALLY like, go to that user's closet and see if there are more items you like. You can create a "bundle" of your likes (the "dressing room" thingy), and either the seller can send you an offer- sometimes a lot lower than what everything is advertised for, or you can send the seller an offer. I've gotten some great deals!

Here's some of what I have coming up for sale:

So yeah, check it out :D

Update: I got in trouble in class!

Thought I would post a quick update. Class is going great- I've made it to all of them so far (which isn't many, but still!). I actually got in trouble in my third class. I made a ballet-class-friend who is about 13-14, the second oldest in my class. She loves ballet as much as I do! I get very excited to talk to her... but the only time I can do that is IN class.

I was just telling her a quick note about how, with the waltz we were doing (which, I just found out, is more appropriately called balance en tournant, although we haven't gotten to the turning part yet), the point of brushing the foot against the floor, as the teacher was stressing, was to provide friction and make our feet stronger! As I was finishing my sentence, I heard the teacher telling everyone to be quiet. I looked around and the entire class was looking at me- apparently, I was the only one talking!

Yes, I know that's SO rude, and I was properly embarrassed! I was just SO excited to have someone in front of me I could talk to about learning ballet!! Needless to say, I haven't talked in class again.

When I took ballet previously at this school, I started in the winter season, same as this time. This class is a lot farther behind than when I took it before. Part of me really likes learning things like balance en tournant like a beginner, with everything broken down really simply. The other part of me fears we won't be caught up as far next year. (And the anxious part of me is scared I mixed things up and am taking a lower grade than ever before!)

After battling some more depression, and likewise not going to the gym, I made it back to the gym yesterday. I just did 3 miles on the bike, some ab work, and a little ballet. My mind was wandering around oddly- I started the medication Seroquel last week, and I think it's affecting the way I think.

I also made it to a Pilates class this past week- Reformer Basics, and have a mat class scheduled for Tuesday!

One more thing: I'm having to sell my Capezio BraTek camisole leotards, sadly. They are an adult sized medium, which usually fits perfectly, but my bust is just a bit too large for the bra part to feel comfortable. I may try one in a size large, as it was REALLY helping hold my chest down and compress it. (That Bal Togs I posted about before, though, is AWESOME!)

My New Two-Tone Strappy Back Camisole Leotard

I've started to realize that, excepting some of the by-bid listings, it costs just as much to purchase new leotards on eBay as it is on DiscountDance (not an affiliate link, though I wish they offered affiliates!). Maybe the brands vary some, but it's most often a lower end brand(?) like Capezio or So Danca. (I don't have enough leotards to compare the differences, but am assuming a less-expensive leotard is going to be made a little less well than a more expensive one.)

Well, earlier today, I decided to check out the site in honor of my upcoming new classes (in only a few days!!) and yes, I scored 2 So Danca plain black short-sleeve leotards for $11.57 (cheaper than on eBay, even WITH shipping), but I ALSO grabbed this amazing deal by Bal Togs (which I'm assuming is a more mid-range brand based on price)... a two-tone strappy back camisole leotard! I can't wear it to class (hey, I like looking pretty when I practice at home, don't hate), but it was... $13.70, when I think they usually run around $30. This was the very last one, and it happened to be in medium. And while it's a camisole, it's not the normal kind, so if it fits right, I will feel comfy in it because the front is so high.

I'm really stocking up on leotards. I have a bit of an obsession with them. I sure as hell hope I love ballet, real actual ballet classes, as much as I'm hoping and expecting to.

Off to stretching, while my muscles are still a little warmed up from taking my dog to the park and for a walk. Cheerio!

Hip Rotators, Stretching, Motivation

I spent about an hour last night stretching- focusing primarily on my left leg. My left leg is definitely the weakest, least flexible, and is the leg with external tibial torsion.

I came across some myofascial massage videos, and I tried to go along with one of them. It seemed to be a good video... for someone with a lot more anatomy knowledge than me. And more strength to try and press into the right spot and hold that strength there (wherever it was!). So I went to another video, and tried using a tennis ball and one of those firmer bouncy balls- the larger of the ones that you used to be able to get out of candy machines... I'm really looking for this kind, as it seems more the strength and size I need in general, but I'm not finding one in Walmart or corner pharmacies:

 

Anyway, so the ball idea wasn't working on my hip flexors. When I pressed inside my upper thigh, all I got was tendons (it felt like, anyway). I even tried rolling up my yoga mat very tight to use like a foam roller, but it would get smooshed and not roll. (I'm really going to need to make some Amazon purchases soon!)

So finally I just decided to do some of the stretching I've done before, but more intensely.
I've also been reading about how one of my anatomy issues may have to do with tight hamstrings. Last night, I worked on accessing both of those together. At first, I did the exercise where you are lying on the bed, holding the more flexible leg bent at the knee and all the way up to the chest, holding with an arm, and then the left leg (for me) falls off the bed, so that gravity is working on pulling that hip flexor more open.

After that, I did lunge work. I've been doing this thing where I do a deep lunge, but I work on the hip rotators (on the leg with the knee UP). Basically, I get into a deep lunge, and slowly turn/rotate/push/pull/etc (wherever- knee, torso, whatever it takes) until I am accessing the hip rotator. Once I have that spot engaged, I move around more, slowly, really WORKING on that stretch. For me, it HAS to be done in a sort of meditative state- if I try watching videos or something, I'm not as focused and I can lose that spot, or worse push too hard and hurt myself.

Last night, I eventually found myself in that lunge position, but with my left knee in the air, my torso rotated away to the right, and my left shoulder all the way under my left leg so I could use my shoulders to press my leg back and away from my hips.

It's not really something I can explain precisely how someone else should do it, because the tight spots on me are not necessarily going to be the same for anyone else. And besides that, what feels good one night may not feel so great the next, even on my own body. (I'd like to add that it can be really easy to overdo stretching when you're doing it this way, just feeling with your body. This is another reason I have to focus only on what I'm doing. I really have to pay attention to my body's signals.) But last night, while I was doing that deep lunge, really focusing on what was being stretched, I felt something inside "give" a little. Something inside opened up a little more, and I was then able to go even deeper. It felt really good. (I actually heard it a little when it happened.) I don't think it was a "pop" like popping knuckles, because this morning when I woke up, it still felt a lot lighter and more "open", even more so than my right hip (which is still, by far, the more flexible).I just felt something tight give way and loosen up, I think.

So that's exciting for me. I realized I can actually turn out to nearly 90 degrees on my right. It is just the left side that is so problematic, and it's very noticeable. In pliés, my right knee goes directly over the right foot, even close to 90 degrees. (Holding 90 degrees is too much for me right now, but still doable, and I know I will be able to hold that hopefully soon.) My left side can turn out some, but 1) the hip flexor isn't as flexible/strong, 2) my left knee points inwards, and 3) it ends up with my leg being fairly turned out- hips (not as well as right side) and feet (better than right side)- but not appearing that way due to my inward-facing left tibia. I'm not sure if I will ever look as though I have perfect turnout, but I do honestly believe that with a lot of stretching and strength work, I will be able to improve even the left side. (I'm thinking being able to eventually have my feet turned all the way out, with my hips a lot more so as well, but the left knee may never go totally over the foot. I'm not recommending this to anyone, and it may be harmful to me so I can only see what happens as I progress.)

I realized yesterday that I was really getting caught up in the technique and perfection thing, and that I was sapping a little of the "fun" out of what I'm doing. Not only does that kinda defeat the purpose, but if it's not fun, it's really not something I'm going to stick with. I've come SO far in only five weeks- I'm stronger than I've ever been- and I want to KEEP finding enjoyment. The DVD and video work was just getting a little tedious. So I put on a ballet on youtube, got inspired by that and just danced around my living room, pretending I was an amazing ballerina. (I even did some [horrendous-looking] turns and jumps, haha!)

And then I put on my beautiful pointe shoes, noting that even that is looking a lot better. I can see now where the shank is so much stronger than my foot is (and I don't think it's even a strong shank- Capezio Contemporas), yet I'm starting to be able to bend it into an arch, ever so slightly (thanks to the work I've been doing with my feet). I'm also able to stand straighter in them. I'm definitely not over the box, but I am closer to that than I was a couple of weeks ago when I tried them on. Holding onto something sturdy, I pushed up, bent my knees a little, and got the whole box on the floor, so I was able to see kinda what that felt like. If the foot isn't arched enough, the whole box won't be on the floor, and so it was neat to see and feel that. (Don't worry, I didn't keep them on long. I'm only doing it for inspiration.) Oh, I also noticed that my toes are getting stronger, and I was able to keep them straighter inside the box. Before, I could only scrunch them up inside. Some is strength, and some is muscle coordination- I'm still working on keeping my toe muscles isolated enough to make sure my toes are straight when I point my feet.

After my amazing solo that no one but my pets got to see, I went on to do those stretching exercises I mentioned above. I've been working on the technicalities, and had forgotten that I need to also be getting in touch with my body. Doing that last night really lifted my spirits some.

In other news, I friended the lady whose parents own the dance studio. I'm really nervous, but I know I need to get into real classes very soon. I'm getting stronger, able to focus more on technique now rather than only whether or not I have the strength to do things. My balance is getting better as well, and I feel more comfortable doing things like rond de jambes away from the barre. Now to overcome my anxiety of doing something totally new (and exercise at that!) in a group of people that I don't know. My anxiety has caused me to dread even fun things in the past, instead of wanting to go. I don't want to dread ballet class- I want to go and enjoy it. So I will be working on that this week and next. I told myself six weeks to build up strength, and I'm closing in on that. I see my psychologist today, so I will bring this up with him!

Pointe the Way!

Pointe the Way! My New Obsession with Ballet Begins with Pointed Feet!

Sometime in early September of this year, I started admiring the beauty of ballerinas- their grace and flexibility, especially on pointe, mostly in pictures (not video). Honestly, I was never much of a fan of going to see ballet in person- I've seen several and it wasn't as pleasurable for me as say, theatre. But once I got to looking (especially on Tumblr and Pinterest), I quickly started becoming obsessed. At the time, I really didn't even think about learning ballet- I just wanted to get a pair of pointe shoes and teach myself how to do some of the pretty poses I was seeing- arabesques, promenades, and heck, even just being able to stand there with those perfectly pointed feet!

My first step was totally backwards, and I knew it but didn't care: I wanted the pointe shoes first. I wasn't going to be doing leaps or jumps or anything overly dangerous. Basically, I wanted to pretend for a few minutes here and there- maybe hold onto something and be able to lean forward on one pointed toe.

That perfectly pointed foot! (Svetlana Zhakharova)

I didn't plan to take ballet classes, so there would be no one to tell me how bad it was for me to be en pointe when I knew I wasn't really ready. And besides, it was probably going to be like that other time I purchased a pair of pointe shoes, back when I was like fifteen and wanted to know what it was like to stand in them- I ended up trying them on a time or two and then, well, I don't know whatever happened to those shoes.

So I painfully began my venture to find a pair of pointe shoes I liked. Honestly, I didn't know about foot compression or how tapered toes should affect the decision of which box I needed, or whether or not I needed a hard shank or soft shank. I just wanted a shoe that fit me. So I did something I really don't recommend: trial and error by buying gently used (or even dead) pointe shoes off of eBay, without anything close to a proper fitting.

The first pair I purchased were a pair of dead, unmatched Chacottes from the same dancer. (I wasn't going to be up on them much, so I could see how they'd been broken in and... well, I don't really know my line of reasoning there. Something like I didn't know what broken in felt like, so I could have some that were fully broken in... or whatever. They were a known name brand (I was getting to know those) and they seemed to be in my size- so I bought them. This was September 8.

My Chacottes came in, and actually seemed to fit me somewhat decently (I thought at the time). The length was right, and the toes hurt like hell, but I figured all pointe shoes hurt like hell, and I put in extra padding (makeup pads!) to help reduce some of the pain and to make the length fit a little better. I was very excited the first time I put them on, and would play around with them the next day. I'd scored something decent for my foot the very first try- go me! The following day the foam toe pads had come in, which helped a little... and the gel toe covers came in with the pads- and these helped a lot! I could see where it might help to have another toe cover on my fourth toe (which was being pushed or something), so I ordered another set. Finally, I had something I could work with!

A few days later, I wake up to find that my pitbull puppy had decided to use my new shoes as toys. They were already dead... but now they were destroyed. I knew I'd lucked out on the Chacottes, and wasn't seeing anymore used (read: cheap) ones for sale on eBay.

On September 14, I found a pair that I thought might fit me (meaning to me, at this time, they fit me about like a sneaker: long enough but not too long and wide enough but not too wide): Freed Crowns, size 5. These, too, were dead, but that was okay. I ordered these on the 14th.

On the same day I bought the Freed Crowns, I purchased a pair of black leather no-brand ballet slippers- for stretching. I'd started doing  this twelve-minute splits stretch (to help achieve splits). What prettier way to pose than by incorporating a split? I remember being younger and so jealous of all of my friends who could do splits... even my mother could do a split! but I was not blessed with such natural flexibility. I began doing this video pretty much nightly.

The black shoes came in... and I didn't like them. They LOOKED cute in the photos and they LOOKED cute in person, but they didn't fit my feet right- the size was as right as I could get with this kind of slipper but it bunched up in odd places and didn't look smooth. Luckily- unlike most of my other purchases- these were returnable. I ordered Bloch Dansoft Ballet Pink Leather shoes, size 5B on the 18th.

The Freed Crowns were taking FOREVER to ship. I had no clue when, or if, the seller was ever going to get them out to me. My impatient self purchased a pair of barely used Freed Operas, size 5D, on September 22. They came in on the 25th... and were much too tight.

The Freed Crowns finally came in on the 27th. I believe these were too tight as well. Back to eBay where I'd take another shot in the dark and purchased a pair of Bloch "Synergy Quarter" size YYY that same day. 

Now, during all of this time I was hunting for a pair of pointe shoes that would fit, I was also researching more and more about ballet. I was still able to put on one of the shoes that my dog had chewed up- the shank was still in one piece, unlike the other one- and I was realizing just how much strength it would take to be able to really hold ANY position on pointe. I mean, I knew it was a lot and I knew I'd have to gain some strength, but it didn't really hit me just how MUCH strength those pretty poses actually took.

As I mentioned, I've been to several ballet performances, and while there is no way NOT to admire their beautiful, ethereal movements and grace, it wasn't ever my favorite thing to go see. And never mind that, that was something one had to start in childhood- adults don't do ballet... right?

I started looking up classes in my area, and sure enough- they were all tailored towards children. Except one- I found one adult ballet class. I got online and started searching for other adult ballerinas- people who had started past the conventional younger years. And I found out... that it was a thing! The Adult Ballerina Project had some stories of people even older than my 34 years starting ballet. My favorite blog, though, has been The Remedial Ballerina. Though she is younger than me, she is still much older than is conventional, AND she opened my eyes to ballerinas with different body shapes than one usually sees on stage. I was onto something here...

Back to the shoes: I just knew the Synergy Quarters weren't going to fit. I think the term I used earlier, "shooting in the dark" perfectly sums up what I was trying to accomplish. I decided to... go get properly fitted for a pair of pointe shoes. This might take a little work- I was afraid to go into a dance shop and just tell them I wanted a pair of pointe shoes to play around in. I know I could break an ankle, but I also knew they might be worried about liability or something. And there was no way I could pull off actually TAKING pointe. I'd been learning more about ballet positions and such but didn't know how to hold my body or anything- they'd know right away I was a fraud.

The first place I went to did not have a fitter in- and I'm impatient- I wanted shoes NOW. So I sped to the other shop across town that was about to close in 10 minutes. The lady was super nice and I hated lying to her, but I told her my boyfriend does photography (we're more like friends now, and he DOES do photography) and he wanted to do a photo shoot about ballet, and wanted it to look as genuine as possible, so he wanted me to get fitted for a pair of shoes instead of just buying them. (If I actually pitched this idea to him, he would probably actually be down for it- but I'm not flexible enough and no one really knows about my ballet obsession interest right now, and I want to keep it that way.)

So I tried on pair after pair. They were wrong in some way. I tried on another pair that seemed to fit my foot well- like the Chacottes. I held onto a clothes rack and got onto pointe. My big toe hurt like crazy, but I thought that was normal. She asked me if all of my toes were supported equally. I looked at her quizzically- no. Onto another couple of pairs.

And then... a pair that seemed to fit my foot. It seemed right, so she had me do a second position plie. Seemed okay to me. She had me hold onto the clothes rack and go on pointe. And.... IT DIDN'T HURT!! For all my research, I never knew that 1) the weight could be distributed across all of the toes to some extent and 2) while ballerinas are- in many aspects- pretty close to superhuman, the big toes' pain on pointe is NOT supposed to be like needles being jammed into your toe every time it touches the floor! I was in AWE. Honestly, I really did not know that pointe shoes could be THIS comfortable, even on pointe!!!! YES, those were the pair. I walked out with the Bunheads toe cushions she'd had me use along with my beautiful new Capezio Contemporas. (Interestingly enough, these are one of the pairs that the Remedial Ballerina has found to be comfortable for her. Now that I understand WAY more about pointe shoes- both from knowing first-hand what a good pair feels like and from a much better understanding of foot types and pointe shoe variations that I've learned since that day- it seems like she and I may have a similar foot (not counting the arch strength she has), so I am going to keep up with her journey towards the perfect pointe shoe and give some of her favorites a try... but that's a long way off, for now.)


Part II to follow...