Poshmark: Leotards & Dancewear for Sale!

I'm not going to advertise much on here, but I wanted to mention that I'm starting to sell some really nice new and gently used dance wear on my Poshmark. My username there is @thepsychokitten and the link is this. The reason I'm posting this now is I'm really starting to amp up my dance wear sales there. Not a lot of people are selling it!

In case you are new to the site, well, here's my favorite thing about it: $6.49 expedited shipping on all orders! Now this sucks if you just want to buy a $5 bracelet, but Poshmark is all about shoppers creating "bundles". If you find something you REALLY like, go to that user's closet and see if there are more items you like. You can create a "bundle" of your likes (the "dressing room" thingy), and either the seller can send you an offer- sometimes a lot lower than what everything is advertised for, or you can send the seller an offer. I've gotten some great deals!

Here's some of what I have coming up for sale:

So yeah, check it out :D

Skipping (part of) a grade...

I AM SO STOKED! Here's what happened recently:

I've been going to class pretty consistently, and was really liking the second level I've been in. I pretty much knew what was going on and was able to really focus on technique, as it's the class that I originally took before (starting, again, in the middle of the year). The class was super full, though. I never went on an evening when everyone was there, but if I had, I would not have been able to drop-in.

So, the administration lady speaks to me about moving to the next level. Honestly, I felt a bit pressured to do so. I chose to take the level I was taking for a reason. I couldn't commit to the next level at the beginning of the year, and I felt starting halfway through, I'd just be totally lost. But she was really encouraging me to, as the level I'm in has far fewer students.

I just couldn't do it Tuesday. It took hours for me to get up the nerve to get dressed and go to school. Even with my anxiety, I was extremely tense and nervous. I did NOT want to be way behind everyone else. So I speak with the instructor, and she doesn't mind if I take the class, but she reiterates that she is not going to hold up the class just for me. Sure, I totally understand that, but the second time she said it, I felt a little challenged... which was good.

I went in there and nailed it! Okay, my form wasn't anywhere near good, and my pas de bourres, echappes, and assembles were a mess. I had no clue what they were doing with the pirouette business... I was taught how to (technically, if not in reality) do one in a class in a different school, but that was the whole deal. This method breaks things down into quarter turns- which makes sense, but wasn't what I expected.

Oh, and to top it off! Before class started, and I'd made it inside the studio with the other students, I confessed I was terrified and they were all going to be so far ahead of me. Keep in mind these kids are about ten years old. They were so sweet! They encouraged me to follow them, helped me out with one of the across-the-floor moves we were doing, and everyone told me afterwards what a great job I had done!

The best part of this, though, is that I totally faced my fear and conquered it. I did so much better than I expected. In the other class, and I realized this, I wasn't really pushing myself. I'd done it before. But with this one, I'm really going to need to work hard to catch up. It's not going to take long to finish memorizing the barre work, since most of it is what we'd ended with before. But the center "jumps"- the ones I've been procrastinating on- I'm going to really need to start tackling those in my gym/barre-room time.

Speaking of the gym, I'm very happy and proud to say I've started going back this week! Arms one day, legs another- the latter followed by some ballet, until my legs just gave out on me.

Things are going pretty sweet here on my end! I really needed to take this class, to inspire me to push myself. If I'm not challenged, I usually can't put my heart & soul into it.

One last thing that, of course, I have to mention. Moving up a grade puts me one year closer to earning my pointe shoes! I'm having trouble understanding the levels listed on the website, but I think I will start one year from this Fall. OMGOMGOMG!

Saved by

Juanita De Los Santos

 Via Pinterest

Photos for more inspiration!

Southeastern Regional Ballet Association - Photo by Richard Calmes http://www.pbase.com/rcalmes. Via Pinterest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Elevé Dancewear (@elevedancewear) on Instagram: “Looking forward to this week • Photo by @darianvolkova Model @ionovaworld Via Pinterest.

<< "La danse n'a plus rien à raconter : elle a beaucoup à dire" ... © Maurice Béjart>> Via Pinterest.

And because you know I'm obsessed with ballet feet...

Saved by

Bruna Santana Via Pinterest

Slow vs. Fast Progress

I see these other adult ballet dancers online... some of them haven’t been taking ballet a full year, and already they are on pointe. I have mixed feelings about this- and yes, part of it is a little bit of envy! 

In my school, I’m one of the only, if not THE only, adult students (besides, of course, the 18-year olds who have been practicing for years). My school goes by grades. I’m currently in the 2nd grade (although I could have started the fall in 3rd, but I couldn’t commit twice a week right then). There’s grade 3, then an advanced grade 3, and then pointe begins sometime in grade 4. I don’t even know what the advanced grade 3 means, but I’m thinking it’s an extra year before 4. From my understanding then, I have 2 more (full) years before I can go on pointe. (And I’ve been at this ballet thing for a few years already, just not consecutively or regularly, so I can’t count it much.)

So that’s the frustrating part: I want to EARN those Capezio Contemporas I managed to get myself fitted for back when I first became obsessed with ballet! (LOL! Please don’t tell my teacher!) I want them NOW!

On the other hand, I’ve now taken classes at three other studios, and I love mine the best. I love the strict focus on doing the same barre every class, and somewhat the same center work. I love that once I can get the hang of the barre exercises again, I can let myself start moving freely into the movements, letting it flow instead of always trying (so far quite unsuccessfully) to just remember what the heck my feet and legs are supposed to be doing next- not to mention my arms that would inevitably get stuck in first or second so I could just try to get through this set of exercises. I love that I have so much time to learn technique, to practice a few moves over and over and over, almost meditatively, instead of the constant confusion of thinking about the future, what comes next, allowing myself to feel each smallest movement of my feet, toes, body.

Of course I’m aware of the fact that I have NO CLUE what kind of progression the ladies who have moved fast have made, or how much time and effort they have put into their own practice (although I do cringe when I see someone on pointe in a classroom, and their lower body looks just like mine when I try on my beloved Capezios for a few minutes a month- from my knee to my toe is barely even a straight line, and as tall as I may try to stand, my knees just won’t straighten... and their teacher is encouraging this? But again, what do I know?)

So I guess in summary, I need to stop comparing myself to others! I don’t know their situation, and right now, I’m actually very happy with mine (well, I will be as soon as the second week of January comes around!). I have a LOT of work to do. My barrework is starting to flow pretty naturally, which is very exciting (even though, as you can see below, my flexibility still has a long way to go!). But even at the gym, I’ve been putting off a lot of centerwork. How I dread sautes and echappes and anything else that requires a fast upward motion of my body with my overly heavy elephant feet leaving the ground! I’m not too worried- that will change when I’m in front of a decent mirrored wall, being told I need to get my feet off the ground- that will be plenty of encouragement to work on those! 

Inspiration: Those arches, tho...

Sur le coup-de-pied & Isabelle Ciaravola's Perfect Feet

I need to watch this next time I'm working on ballet and practice it over and over and over again: sur le coup-de-pied rising up, showing how the foot will rise to retiré. Perfect!

Isabelle Ciaravola

And more photos of Isabelle and her amazingly perfect feet:

This is one thing I haven't really been able to figure out. It looks beautiful when ballerinas go so far over their boxes that they are on the very tip, and it certainly shows unique ability, but are those the only reason they do this? It doesn't really seem like there's any practical reason to it... ?

Her foot is practically at a right angle! WTH??!! Just stunning!

I mean, c'mon now! It should be illegal to have feet that perfect!!

Foot Photos

I'm sure you've noticed by now (my make-believe visitors here) how obsessed I am with pointed feet. Seriously, I am still "doming" all day long at work in my quest to get a pretty (and stronger) pointed foot. So, in honor of that, here are a bunch of foot/pointe photos I've found that I love!

Such a cool angle!

Alicia Gouveia

Melissa Chapsky

Inspirational Animated Gifs

Some photos I recently found on Tumblr. I believe the following are all Hee Seo Mariinsky, who is with the ABT, I believe.

This photo is unbelievable! Definitely one of my absolute favorites. The slight step, the absolutely perfect rolling down from pointe... You can see every single tiny motion perfectly.

And then the perfect rolling up (and hey! Even professionals may quiver a little while balancing!)(Of course, she'd probably been doing more ballet in that day than I will in a month!)

She undoubtedly knows exactly where her working foot is at any given moment. The second time it comes towards her body being slightly closer than the first time, the last swinging out a bit further than any of the previous times... I know from just learning to tendu (and a bit of degage, especially a la seconde) that getting the foot in the exact same spot you want it every time is difficult and comes only with practice!

Brutal class

Tonight's class was kinda brutal. Apparently, my teacher thinks I should be learning faster than I am... and she's probably right. I mentioned this past week that I'm just working on the basics at home- I don't even have all of those down yet! And now I'm getting fussed at for not knowing all of my arabesques, and for getting my feet mixed up in, eh, whatever those other moves are called. (Luckily, only the kids get picked on for terminology... right now.)

I was constantly being called out tonight- my head was facing the wrong way, my retire wasn't up high enough, my arms were too far to my sides, my (left) knee (with the tibial torsion) wasn't pointed out far enough... I wasn't sure if I should mention the tibial torsion or not, so I decided not to yet, because even if it won't turn out as far as we'd both like, I can make it go a little further and keep working on it, and I do need to keep attention on it because of the flaw.

I even got fussed at tonight for not being able to do splits! Some good came from this- she gave me a new way of working on my splits. I'd been keeping the back knee on the ground and the back foot facing down and she told me from now on to keep the knee up and the foot sideways- and it made a big difference, so I will be doing this from now on. Then she said something about getting my head down to the ground when we were doing our front splits facing away from her... I turned my head and raised an eyebrow at her. She said, "well, eventually..." LOL!

I'm bitching a little here, but honestly, I needed all of this to kick my ass up a notch. I was mentally, yet unconsciously, using the excuse "I'm new, so it's okay that I'm behind" to justify not learning faster. (And we got a new girl in tonight, so I'm not the new one anymore.)

After class, I got my little redheaded friend to help me on a couple of things. I've now got several new things (even just from figuring them out in tonight's class) I am confident I can practice at home. I'm exhausted, though. I want to get up and work on them all, but I'm so tired. I will at least work on my splits, though, and work on the other stuff tomorrow. There just isn't enough time in the week!!

One other thing: my toes are starting to hurt. And I'm starting to realize how faaarrrrrr I have to go before my ankles and feet will ever be ready for pointe work. My big toes hurt because it seems we're always dragging them on the ground. My ankles started hurting a bunch and getting weak when we were working on echappe sous-sus. (Yeah, I've nearly got that one down! At barre and in center!)We didn't even do that many... ballerinas are insane!!

6-Year Old en Pointe...

Not sure what to make of the six-year-old little girl en pointe! The choreography looks fun though.

Real Ballet!

I've been putting something off partially because I'm a bit scared. Today, I finally went through with it. I went to the nicest ballet school we have in town and spoke to the director herself about taking classes. And guess what... starting the week of January 5th, I can start taking Level II classes twice a week!!

There was a real sense of finality to going in today. I've been avoiding it for quite awhile. I knew the adult class I took before would be more laid-back than regular ballet classes, so it wasn't that intimidating (other than getting over my fear of new social happenings). But this school, this is the real deal.

The director told me I could probably keep up with the Grade II girls. (The info sheet says they are around 9 years old.) She said that although they have had ballet for a year and a half now, as an adult, I should be able to keep up. (Note: This is a class I was debating on whether or not I would be put into it. The classes start at 5 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is the time I normally get off of work. So I am going to have to work on my schedule, and get off earlier than I am supposed to. Considering I have doctor appointments very often, my bosses have gotten used to my leaving early, so I hope to just slide this on in there. Plus, I will work lunch on those days... and I'm going to try to start going in earlier after the new year anyway.)

The director was very nice (though she and the other lady in the office kinda scoffed when I mentioned I'd been watching YouTube videos. I knew that would happen, but I do think there is a difference in watching some YouTube videos and actually studying the moves the videos are doing, getting other input to make sure they're being done correctly. I guess I'll see how much they've actually taught me soon). Short lady, short hair, small frame, quite ballet-like. She's got some experience at the Joffrey School and another one or two I recognize. I told her about the adult ballet class I took, and how it was more of a social event. She said that this wasn't like that: the girls behaved well, and she teaches everyone as though they are working towards being professional, even though most won't actually go that way. So everyone likely dances with more of a professional attitude, and I'm sure she works them pretty hard. This is exactly what I was wanting/hoping for/scared of! :)

The classes are going to be kinda expensive for me, especially since it's not a drop in thing but a monthly deal... and I will be taking two classes a week instead of one. But it's not too bad, considering. Only $90 for two hours a week. The Tuesday class also ends early enough for me to head on over to the class I've already tried (once the real instructor gets off maternity leave so the class is under control!), should I decide twice a week just isn't enough. (I also have a few classes in the other town about an hour away I can take, even one on Saturday, which is a good day for me to get out of town. I'll start with these two a week, and if I love it, I am going to add more. The more I can do, the closer I am to [hopefullymaybeoneday] going en pointe!)

So, she was very welcoming, and even sounded a little excited about me coming to class (unlike some of my other experiences *looking down their nose* "We only allow 14 and under", as if that's a real school!). She told me she would put me in between two of the girls who have been there longer and are more experienced so that I can follow them on both sides when we do barre.

I've been working on center exercises with Finis Jhung. These are almost certainly going to be more difficult for me than barre. I mostly get the hang of barre now (as best as I can not really having had any actual classes). The only center exposure I have right now is about three minutes in the class I took (where I did terribly), a few steps at a time with Finis, and very basic center with Tamra Chace.

But this is it! This is what I've been wanting! I can come up with the money (by buying fewer ballet outfits, haha). I can work it out with my work schedule. I can get the nerve to actually go. And, provided I really do love it as much as I am truly hoping, I'm on my way to being... a late ballerina! (Okay, well "ballerina" in my head, anyway.)

Oh, one more thing. The director is the founder of the primary ballet company in town. If I do well, one day, I just might be able to join! She seems like she wouldn't discriminate based on my age (the other schools I've called wouldn't let me take classes with younger people, but she didn't think twice). That's way down the road, if ever, but so are pointe shoes (worn with permission!) and I'm aiming for those! Shoot for the moon!

WOOOHOOOOOO!

(And now, time for ballet. This week I have not done nearly as much as I've wanted to! My mountain trip went marvelously, by the way. I did get some hiking in, but other than that and about an hour or so of ballet, I was just too damn relaxed to do much of anything else... and it was great!)

Intrinsic Foot Muscles

A great video for improving the point of the feet (via the intrinsic foot muscles):

(At first, I was like, "ah, I got this". Then it came to doing more intricate things with my left foot and... nope. I don't "got" it. I've been working on it about two days, though, and can somewhat squish my left toes together, which I couldn't do at all when I first tried. But really, from my understanding, being able to even come close to balancing on pointe, and to just have a nicely pointed foot at all, takes ability of detailed movement along with strength of those inner foot muscles, some of which some of us had never felt work before!)

And I get my Perfect Pointe book this weekend, yay!

The Perfect Pointe...

My birthday is coming up soon. I've made one request from a friend/kinda-boyfriend: The Perfect Pointe book by Lisa Howell. I know I'm nowhere near pointe, but I would really like to find better exercises to work on pointing my feet in general. If nothing else, pointed feet are very beautiful to me. I'm excited by the progress I've made so far, and hope I find more exercises to continue that progress even better in her book. Since it's SO highly recommended, not to mention that even the used copies on Amazon and Ebay sell for nearly the cost of the book new, I figure it has to be pretty awesome. Tune Up Your Turnout was as great as everyone said, and this one's supposed to be even better!

I've been taking photos of my progress. I'm going on week five tomorrow! I'll post some pics soon.

Hip Rotators, Stretching, Motivation

I spent about an hour last night stretching- focusing primarily on my left leg. My left leg is definitely the weakest, least flexible, and is the leg with external tibial torsion.

I came across some myofascial massage videos, and I tried to go along with one of them. It seemed to be a good video... for someone with a lot more anatomy knowledge than me. And more strength to try and press into the right spot and hold that strength there (wherever it was!). So I went to another video, and tried using a tennis ball and one of those firmer bouncy balls- the larger of the ones that you used to be able to get out of candy machines... I'm really looking for this kind, as it seems more the strength and size I need in general, but I'm not finding one in Walmart or corner pharmacies:

 

Anyway, so the ball idea wasn't working on my hip flexors. When I pressed inside my upper thigh, all I got was tendons (it felt like, anyway). I even tried rolling up my yoga mat very tight to use like a foam roller, but it would get smooshed and not roll. (I'm really going to need to make some Amazon purchases soon!)

So finally I just decided to do some of the stretching I've done before, but more intensely.
I've also been reading about how one of my anatomy issues may have to do with tight hamstrings. Last night, I worked on accessing both of those together. At first, I did the exercise where you are lying on the bed, holding the more flexible leg bent at the knee and all the way up to the chest, holding with an arm, and then the left leg (for me) falls off the bed, so that gravity is working on pulling that hip flexor more open.

After that, I did lunge work. I've been doing this thing where I do a deep lunge, but I work on the hip rotators (on the leg with the knee UP). Basically, I get into a deep lunge, and slowly turn/rotate/push/pull/etc (wherever- knee, torso, whatever it takes) until I am accessing the hip rotator. Once I have that spot engaged, I move around more, slowly, really WORKING on that stretch. For me, it HAS to be done in a sort of meditative state- if I try watching videos or something, I'm not as focused and I can lose that spot, or worse push too hard and hurt myself.

Last night, I eventually found myself in that lunge position, but with my left knee in the air, my torso rotated away to the right, and my left shoulder all the way under my left leg so I could use my shoulders to press my leg back and away from my hips.

It's not really something I can explain precisely how someone else should do it, because the tight spots on me are not necessarily going to be the same for anyone else. And besides that, what feels good one night may not feel so great the next, even on my own body. (I'd like to add that it can be really easy to overdo stretching when you're doing it this way, just feeling with your body. This is another reason I have to focus only on what I'm doing. I really have to pay attention to my body's signals.) But last night, while I was doing that deep lunge, really focusing on what was being stretched, I felt something inside "give" a little. Something inside opened up a little more, and I was then able to go even deeper. It felt really good. (I actually heard it a little when it happened.) I don't think it was a "pop" like popping knuckles, because this morning when I woke up, it still felt a lot lighter and more "open", even more so than my right hip (which is still, by far, the more flexible).I just felt something tight give way and loosen up, I think.

So that's exciting for me. I realized I can actually turn out to nearly 90 degrees on my right. It is just the left side that is so problematic, and it's very noticeable. In pliés, my right knee goes directly over the right foot, even close to 90 degrees. (Holding 90 degrees is too much for me right now, but still doable, and I know I will be able to hold that hopefully soon.) My left side can turn out some, but 1) the hip flexor isn't as flexible/strong, 2) my left knee points inwards, and 3) it ends up with my leg being fairly turned out- hips (not as well as right side) and feet (better than right side)- but not appearing that way due to my inward-facing left tibia. I'm not sure if I will ever look as though I have perfect turnout, but I do honestly believe that with a lot of stretching and strength work, I will be able to improve even the left side. (I'm thinking being able to eventually have my feet turned all the way out, with my hips a lot more so as well, but the left knee may never go totally over the foot. I'm not recommending this to anyone, and it may be harmful to me so I can only see what happens as I progress.)

I realized yesterday that I was really getting caught up in the technique and perfection thing, and that I was sapping a little of the "fun" out of what I'm doing. Not only does that kinda defeat the purpose, but if it's not fun, it's really not something I'm going to stick with. I've come SO far in only five weeks- I'm stronger than I've ever been- and I want to KEEP finding enjoyment. The DVD and video work was just getting a little tedious. So I put on a ballet on youtube, got inspired by that and just danced around my living room, pretending I was an amazing ballerina. (I even did some [horrendous-looking] turns and jumps, haha!)

And then I put on my beautiful pointe shoes, noting that even that is looking a lot better. I can see now where the shank is so much stronger than my foot is (and I don't think it's even a strong shank- Capezio Contemporas), yet I'm starting to be able to bend it into an arch, ever so slightly (thanks to the work I've been doing with my feet). I'm also able to stand straighter in them. I'm definitely not over the box, but I am closer to that than I was a couple of weeks ago when I tried them on. Holding onto something sturdy, I pushed up, bent my knees a little, and got the whole box on the floor, so I was able to see kinda what that felt like. If the foot isn't arched enough, the whole box won't be on the floor, and so it was neat to see and feel that. (Don't worry, I didn't keep them on long. I'm only doing it for inspiration.) Oh, I also noticed that my toes are getting stronger, and I was able to keep them straighter inside the box. Before, I could only scrunch them up inside. Some is strength, and some is muscle coordination- I'm still working on keeping my toe muscles isolated enough to make sure my toes are straight when I point my feet.

After my amazing solo that no one but my pets got to see, I went on to do those stretching exercises I mentioned above. I've been working on the technicalities, and had forgotten that I need to also be getting in touch with my body. Doing that last night really lifted my spirits some.

In other news, I friended the lady whose parents own the dance studio. I'm really nervous, but I know I need to get into real classes very soon. I'm getting stronger, able to focus more on technique now rather than only whether or not I have the strength to do things. My balance is getting better as well, and I feel more comfortable doing things like rond de jambes away from the barre. Now to overcome my anxiety of doing something totally new (and exercise at that!) in a group of people that I don't know. My anxiety has caused me to dread even fun things in the past, instead of wanting to go. I don't want to dread ballet class- I want to go and enjoy it. So I will be working on that this week and next. I told myself six weeks to build up strength, and I'm closing in on that. I see my psychologist today, so I will bring this up with him!

Pointe the Way!

Pointe the Way! My New Obsession with Ballet Begins with Pointed Feet!

Sometime in early September of this year, I started admiring the beauty of ballerinas- their grace and flexibility, especially on pointe, mostly in pictures (not video). Honestly, I was never much of a fan of going to see ballet in person- I've seen several and it wasn't as pleasurable for me as say, theatre. But once I got to looking (especially on Tumblr and Pinterest), I quickly started becoming obsessed. At the time, I really didn't even think about learning ballet- I just wanted to get a pair of pointe shoes and teach myself how to do some of the pretty poses I was seeing- arabesques, promenades, and heck, even just being able to stand there with those perfectly pointed feet!

My first step was totally backwards, and I knew it but didn't care: I wanted the pointe shoes first. I wasn't going to be doing leaps or jumps or anything overly dangerous. Basically, I wanted to pretend for a few minutes here and there- maybe hold onto something and be able to lean forward on one pointed toe.

That perfectly pointed foot! (Svetlana Zhakharova)

I didn't plan to take ballet classes, so there would be no one to tell me how bad it was for me to be en pointe when I knew I wasn't really ready. And besides, it was probably going to be like that other time I purchased a pair of pointe shoes, back when I was like fifteen and wanted to know what it was like to stand in them- I ended up trying them on a time or two and then, well, I don't know whatever happened to those shoes.

So I painfully began my venture to find a pair of pointe shoes I liked. Honestly, I didn't know about foot compression or how tapered toes should affect the decision of which box I needed, or whether or not I needed a hard shank or soft shank. I just wanted a shoe that fit me. So I did something I really don't recommend: trial and error by buying gently used (or even dead) pointe shoes off of eBay, without anything close to a proper fitting.

The first pair I purchased were a pair of dead, unmatched Chacottes from the same dancer. (I wasn't going to be up on them much, so I could see how they'd been broken in and... well, I don't really know my line of reasoning there. Something like I didn't know what broken in felt like, so I could have some that were fully broken in... or whatever. They were a known name brand (I was getting to know those) and they seemed to be in my size- so I bought them. This was September 8.

My Chacottes came in, and actually seemed to fit me somewhat decently (I thought at the time). The length was right, and the toes hurt like hell, but I figured all pointe shoes hurt like hell, and I put in extra padding (makeup pads!) to help reduce some of the pain and to make the length fit a little better. I was very excited the first time I put them on, and would play around with them the next day. I'd scored something decent for my foot the very first try- go me! The following day the foam toe pads had come in, which helped a little... and the gel toe covers came in with the pads- and these helped a lot! I could see where it might help to have another toe cover on my fourth toe (which was being pushed or something), so I ordered another set. Finally, I had something I could work with!

A few days later, I wake up to find that my pitbull puppy had decided to use my new shoes as toys. They were already dead... but now they were destroyed. I knew I'd lucked out on the Chacottes, and wasn't seeing anymore used (read: cheap) ones for sale on eBay.

On September 14, I found a pair that I thought might fit me (meaning to me, at this time, they fit me about like a sneaker: long enough but not too long and wide enough but not too wide): Freed Crowns, size 5. These, too, were dead, but that was okay. I ordered these on the 14th.

On the same day I bought the Freed Crowns, I purchased a pair of black leather no-brand ballet slippers- for stretching. I'd started doing  this twelve-minute splits stretch (to help achieve splits). What prettier way to pose than by incorporating a split? I remember being younger and so jealous of all of my friends who could do splits... even my mother could do a split! but I was not blessed with such natural flexibility. I began doing this video pretty much nightly.

The black shoes came in... and I didn't like them. They LOOKED cute in the photos and they LOOKED cute in person, but they didn't fit my feet right- the size was as right as I could get with this kind of slipper but it bunched up in odd places and didn't look smooth. Luckily- unlike most of my other purchases- these were returnable. I ordered Bloch Dansoft Ballet Pink Leather shoes, size 5B on the 18th.

The Freed Crowns were taking FOREVER to ship. I had no clue when, or if, the seller was ever going to get them out to me. My impatient self purchased a pair of barely used Freed Operas, size 5D, on September 22. They came in on the 25th... and were much too tight.

The Freed Crowns finally came in on the 27th. I believe these were too tight as well. Back to eBay where I'd take another shot in the dark and purchased a pair of Bloch "Synergy Quarter" size YYY that same day. 

Now, during all of this time I was hunting for a pair of pointe shoes that would fit, I was also researching more and more about ballet. I was still able to put on one of the shoes that my dog had chewed up- the shank was still in one piece, unlike the other one- and I was realizing just how much strength it would take to be able to really hold ANY position on pointe. I mean, I knew it was a lot and I knew I'd have to gain some strength, but it didn't really hit me just how MUCH strength those pretty poses actually took.

As I mentioned, I've been to several ballet performances, and while there is no way NOT to admire their beautiful, ethereal movements and grace, it wasn't ever my favorite thing to go see. And never mind that, that was something one had to start in childhood- adults don't do ballet... right?

I started looking up classes in my area, and sure enough- they were all tailored towards children. Except one- I found one adult ballet class. I got online and started searching for other adult ballerinas- people who had started past the conventional younger years. And I found out... that it was a thing! The Adult Ballerina Project had some stories of people even older than my 34 years starting ballet. My favorite blog, though, has been The Remedial Ballerina. Though she is younger than me, she is still much older than is conventional, AND she opened my eyes to ballerinas with different body shapes than one usually sees on stage. I was onto something here...

Back to the shoes: I just knew the Synergy Quarters weren't going to fit. I think the term I used earlier, "shooting in the dark" perfectly sums up what I was trying to accomplish. I decided to... go get properly fitted for a pair of pointe shoes. This might take a little work- I was afraid to go into a dance shop and just tell them I wanted a pair of pointe shoes to play around in. I know I could break an ankle, but I also knew they might be worried about liability or something. And there was no way I could pull off actually TAKING pointe. I'd been learning more about ballet positions and such but didn't know how to hold my body or anything- they'd know right away I was a fraud.

The first place I went to did not have a fitter in- and I'm impatient- I wanted shoes NOW. So I sped to the other shop across town that was about to close in 10 minutes. The lady was super nice and I hated lying to her, but I told her my boyfriend does photography (we're more like friends now, and he DOES do photography) and he wanted to do a photo shoot about ballet, and wanted it to look as genuine as possible, so he wanted me to get fitted for a pair of shoes instead of just buying them. (If I actually pitched this idea to him, he would probably actually be down for it- but I'm not flexible enough and no one really knows about my ballet obsession interest right now, and I want to keep it that way.)

So I tried on pair after pair. They were wrong in some way. I tried on another pair that seemed to fit my foot well- like the Chacottes. I held onto a clothes rack and got onto pointe. My big toe hurt like crazy, but I thought that was normal. She asked me if all of my toes were supported equally. I looked at her quizzically- no. Onto another couple of pairs.

And then... a pair that seemed to fit my foot. It seemed right, so she had me do a second position plie. Seemed okay to me. She had me hold onto the clothes rack and go on pointe. And.... IT DIDN'T HURT!! For all my research, I never knew that 1) the weight could be distributed across all of the toes to some extent and 2) while ballerinas are- in many aspects- pretty close to superhuman, the big toes' pain on pointe is NOT supposed to be like needles being jammed into your toe every time it touches the floor! I was in AWE. Honestly, I really did not know that pointe shoes could be THIS comfortable, even on pointe!!!! YES, those were the pair. I walked out with the Bunheads toe cushions she'd had me use along with my beautiful new Capezio Contemporas. (Interestingly enough, these are one of the pairs that the Remedial Ballerina has found to be comfortable for her. Now that I understand WAY more about pointe shoes- both from knowing first-hand what a good pair feels like and from a much better understanding of foot types and pointe shoe variations that I've learned since that day- it seems like she and I may have a similar foot (not counting the arch strength she has), so I am going to keep up with her journey towards the perfect pointe shoe and give some of her favorites a try... but that's a long way off, for now.)


Part II to follow...