Friday, November 14, 2014

Worry...

It's been really difficult the past two days to get into the ballet zone. I'm still obsessively reading about it, but my desire to actually DO it is down. Part of me is SO worried about that mindset I've mentioned, the one where I learn some about something, and decide "ok, I know enough. What's my next obsession going to be?" I've done that so much in my life, and I'm worried that's coming again.

On the other hand, I have been teaching myself for... six weeks(!!) (on Monday), and in those six weeks I've pretty much done it nearly every single day. Sometimes 20 minutes, more often over an hour, closer to two, and sometimes three hours. That's a lot. I've neglected some other things, too. If I remember right, the last time I took a day off (for this reason), my next day I really rocked, it was one of those sessions where I'm totally in the zone, interested and following every video from beginning to end, not getting at all bored, just being great and having fun. And maybe I'm overdoing it. Maybe taking tonight off will give me a break from it so I can be raring to go tomorrow, or maybe even Sunday.

I think part of my doing this almost every day has been because I am scared it's going to be like how I mentioned. So I push myself TOO much the opposite direction, making myself a little bored from overdoing something.

I have not heard back from anyone at the place I've mentioned I want to take classes locally. The only message I've received was through my daughter: classes on Tuesdays. $10/class or $36/month. I left her a FB message (but she's always super busy and hard to get in touch with). I've tried to call. I've left a message. I emailed the office girl. Nothing. (It's probably because it's not really the beginning of the season, but damn, I think I should have heard something else by now!)

I REALLY prefer to have something of an idea of what I am getting into when I do something new that involves a group. I have very bad group anxiety. Ideally, I really would like to know: 1) what the dress code is, 2) how early I should get there, 3) how I can pay someone for my classes (will someone be there before? After? Will I have to TELL someone I want to pay, or hopefully will someone bring it up to me, or at least can there be someone at the front desk when I go in so I can get that taken away and not obsessively worry about something so stupid and trivial?), 4) if the adult class works like the younger classes, where there is a progression from class to class, or if it's all basic enough for all the classes (while still being difficult enough to some so we have something to work towards?, 5) how many others usually show up, 6) am I just going to be some random person walking into the middle of the class like it'd be to start in the middle of the season in the younger classes (basically, some random person intruding on a group that's already progressed together?). I think this one is really my biggest fear- especially if I'm not going to have the chance to actually talk to someone who works there before I show up! I'm stressing over this one, having everyone stare at me wondering who the hell I am and why the hell I'm suddenly showing up in their class?

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