Damn, I hit a really rough patch, out of nowhere. I pretty much laid in bed binge-watching Oz (which I'd never seen, and is... over 20 years old! I'm ancient!) for a month straight. I did make it to a few ballet classes.
Anyway, I'm really starting to feel better now that I was prescribed Abilify for the first time. That's 5mg on top of 300mg Wellbutrin, 40mg Prozac, up to 8mg Suboxone (I really try to keep it to 6mg, though when I'm really depressed, it can sneak up to about 12mg a day... which only serves to make me more tired, which makes me more depressed... but hey, that's an addictive personality for ya), and 2mg Xanax a day (which I also try to keep lower). Anyway, the Abilify is kicking in, and I made it back to the gym again, and plan to get to class today!
I skipped a week of classes because I was asleep most of the day and night for awhile. But at my last class, I was almost at a full side split on my left! I can't wait to get back down there and snap a pic!! I'm so psyched!
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| Yours truly, taken yesterday. After missing over a week of classes- properly warmed up, I'm almost there!! |
I'm also so worried. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go en pointe. When I'm not deep inside depression, I KNOW I can do it! I'm so motivated and excited! But when I get so low, sometimes I can't even make it to class. It's soooo hard for me to maintain class regularly because of this. I fear missing one too many classes and not being able to stay en pointe. And I don't say this to, like, talk myself out of it. It's more of an honest possibility that I have to consider, because I have ALWAYS been like this. I'm 38 years old. I know myself and my limitations, and I've finally started learning to accept them, and work with them... I'm EXTREMELY proud of myself for finding something ACTIVE and physical that I love so much, and have committed to in such a strong way... but I also know that depression IS GOING to hit and there will be times I just can't get to class. That's not me talking myself out of the potential for not being that way- that hope is ALWAYS there. But I have to remain realistic about my boundaries.
Anyway, this post is getting depressing, HAHA. Let's get to some gorgeous, motivating photos, shall we?
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| via @wiktoria_reszka on Instagram via Pinterest (Her body, WOW!) |
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| via Dina Simpson? |
